fbhjr

My sister’s death is impacting me in strange ways.

Last night I woke up at 11:34 and got very angry.
I was convinced that someone had put that number on my nightstand clock as an act of disrespect for my sister.
"How dare they!" I thought. "Don’t they know that she’s dead!?!?!?"

I was angry enough I couldn’t get back to sleep and wandered out to the living room.
I sat there thinking:
"They found her on 10/27, so that isn’t 11:34."
"They got in touch with me on 12/13, so not that."
"She was born on 2/07, so that isn’t it."
"I last heard from her on 8/07, so it wasn’t that."

I could not figure out anything that lines up with 11:34, yet I was convinced someone did that out of disrespect.

Not finding any link, I assumed that it was a mistake and went back to bed and slept though the rest of the night.

Still no idea what that’s about…

After I confirmed my sister’s death, I needed to tell my mother and brother.
I don’t get along with either. I try and avoid my mother. I had not spoken with my brother since our father’s memorial service 22 years ago.
But, they deserved to know my sister had died.
My sister was 14 when my mother married my father, and their relationship was always stereotypical step-mother/step-daughter like, even if I’m sure my mother would resent my saying that.

So, I dialed that phone number I haven’t used since my father died in 2000. My phone says the following call was 3 minutes long. It seemed longer.
It turns out my cousin Carolyn has not yet died, but I thought she had at the time of this call.
I’m writing down what I remember for future reference.
( The phone call )

My sister has died.
I got the call from the county office where she lived while at my cousin’s funeral yesterday.
From what I can tell, they found her body in her apartment some time in October.
They couldn’t find any contacts, so the county had her cremated and her remains sent to the county office.
I’m told the landlord was supposed to contact whoever was on her lease as an emergency contact, but I certainly didn’t hear anything and when I called my mother and brother to tell them, they seemed surprised.

And, if the landlord found her when looking for the rent, it seems like no one noticed her missing and went looking for her.

When my cousin died last week, I sent a postcard to let me sister know (as I didn’t think she’d open a letter) and had my phone number on it.
So, that got to the county office and they called.
But, they called while I was at my cousin’s funeral so my phone was off. When I got the voice mail from the county asking me to call, I was sure of what it would be.
I was after the office hours, so some sheriffs deputy answered and told me wha they could.

Today I should get a call from the office workers so I can pay for the cremation and probably have her remains shipped to me.

My relationship with my sister was strained, even if growing up she was totally my hero who introduced me to so many things I still like in my life.
I wrote about it 10 years ago. Nothing about this story changed until yesterday, which is covered above.
https://fbhjr.livejournal.com/593948.html or https://fbhjr.dreamwidth.org/593002.html

My sister never forgave me for this. It isn't why she hasn't talked to me since 1994. After all, this was 20 years before that. But, it didn't help...

http://www.phoenixswords.com/fbhjr2/Cookie.pdf