Breaking her other foot

[fbhjr]

Many years ago, when I was learning to drive, both of my parents gave me lessons. I'd say it was about 80% my mother and 20% my father, mostly because my father was usually at work.
I preferred my father's instructions as my mother was very critical of my skill at driving. My driving school instructor said I did very well. My father said I did very well. My mother said I was risking her life frequently.

One day I was picking her up at church. As she got into the car, my foot shifted on the brake and the car moved a small amount.
"Go ahead and break my other foot why don't you!" my mother shouted at me.

On my mother's 6th birthday she had been in a very bad car accident and almost lost her leg. She was in a cast for more than a year and had to learn to walk again.

It was never my driving that bothered her. It was that car accident 25 years before I was born.

This is the sort of thing that caused me to break off relations with my mother.
I made plenty of mistakes growing up, and still do. I would always do my best to try and make up for the mistakes I made and was frequently told I did not do well enough.
But, I came to realize, I wasn't just making up for my own, but for my father's, grandfather's, grandmother's and everyone else who had ever let my mother down.
I could take fixing my own mistakes. But, I couldn't take the pile of all of the other folks on top of me while I tried to do it. And, I'd never be able to fix things like car accidents decades before my birth.
So, I gave up trying and moved on with my life.

It is certainly not a perfect solution. I do miss out on any positives that having a mother in my life might provide. But, the weight of all those others that come with that far outweighs it.

Comments

[m-danson.livejournal.com]

Sounds like a good plan.

[zosh.livejournal.com]

Some children never realize they are paying for the sins of the past and spend their whole life trying to please and failing. Such a sad situation.
I'm glad you were able to realize that.

[chris-warrior.livejournal.com]

ditto this.

though i have to admit that i wish a broken bone could somehow manage to wake your mother up.

[cissa.livejournal.com]

My sister did this for my mother. I think that's a lot of why she died at age 46.

[uawildcatgrl.livejournal.com]

I feel you...I broke off all conversation with my dad for a good 10 years of my life.

[pallid-regina.livejournal.com]

Yep, you can't shoulder all of her burdens like that. It's not fun but it sure is a good sanity choice.

[charliemc.livejournal.com]

Parents are people -- and they're as flawed as anyone might be. So even though she's your mother, she's just another person, first. And she's a very flawed one. Being a mother clearly didn't help her to get past her own issues, and that's a shame.

But thankfully you're able to see this clearly and keep her from hurting you even more. She'd probably love the chance, actually, Frank. (And isn't that a shame? Making you feel bad would make her feel good. Why? Who knows...)

I've seen this over and over again -- you're not the only one who has this issue. But you're dealing with it in a very smart way. Good for you.

(hugs)

[endlessblush.livejournal.com]

:( I feel sad reading this

[cissa.livejournal.com]

Both my mother and my MiL have that sort of entitlement thing going: they did/suffered X, so WE OWE THEM. Um, since we had nothing to do with X, I do not see the logic, nor do I agree. My MiL- annoying though she is- is not the pure poison that my own mother is, so we can remain mostly cordial. My own mother is well out of my life.