Star Trek Into Darkness

[fbhjr]

As I’ve said before, I’ve been a Star Trek fan since the original show was
on the air and I’d watch with my sister when she was home from college.

I liked the last movie. OK, there were some parts that didn’t make sense:
http://www.fbhjr.livejournal.com/195065.html
But, overall I still liked it.

This new movie: Star Trek into Darkness?
I just don’t like it. It just doesn’t make sense to me. I mean, no sense
at all.
It isn’t, to me anyhow, Star Trek Nemesis bad, or Sybok bad. But, I had
to remind my wife about those two after we saw it last night.

I’m going to describe how I see the movie using current 2013 current events
terms. I’m giving it in chronological order, not the order it is
discovered in the movie. You may need to look up some of these folks I
reference. Maybe not too.

Prince Eugene of Savoy is found frozen at the north pole with his personal
troops of knights from the Battle of Turin.

They wake up Eugene, but keep the rest of the folks frozen.
As Eugene is one of the 7 best commanders in history, I mean look at his
record in the late 1600’s and early 1700’s, General Dempsey puts him in
charge of a top secret high tech weapons lab to develop new combat aircraft
to use against North Korea.

At a secret base in under Atlanta, Eugene uses his brilliant military mind
from the 1700’s to design a totally kick-ass supersonic fighter/bomber that
can out fly or fight anything out there now. The plane is built at another
secret base in Alaska.

Eugene wants the rest of his folks unfrozen, but General Dempsey holds them
hostage to keep Eugene working.
Once the kick-ass aircraft is nearing completion, Eugene manages to steal
the frozen folks and stuff them into bombs in the new aircraft to they can
all escape together. Not the bomb bays mind you, into the bombs
themselves. Apparently no one notices the warheads being replaced with
frozen people.e

When this is discovered Eugene flees, thinking his folks will be executed.

Meanwhile a bunch of Air Force officers fail an inspection so badly that
their rights to nuclear launch codes are taken away from them and they are
suspended.

In Atlanta one of the folks who works at the secret research lab has a sick
daughter. Eugene offers to cure her, and his leaches seem to work pretty
well.
So, at Eugene’s request and with Eugene watching, he sneaks a bomb into the
lab. Eugene isn’t up on cellphone tech, so they guy texts 911 to let them
know what’s happening and then sets off the bomb.

In the confusion, Eugene steals the plans on how to launch yourself in a
missile to the other side of the world developed by the flight engineer of
those suspended missile guys.

A conference is held at the Pentagon about the bombing and the two lead
suspended guys are invited as they know all about that missile stuff.
Everyone is told that the terrorist is some guy named “John” who likes to
blow up things.
While the conference is going on “John” manages to steal an attack
helicopter, fly it over Washington DC and start shooting up the conference
room at the Pentagon. He manages to hit everyone except General Dempsey
and the Missile guys.
When one of the missile guys shoots back and then throws a fire
extinguisher at him, “John” hops into a missile and launches himself to
North Korea.

The missile guys demand to go after him. Everyone points out that we are
on the brink of war with North Korea and this will almost certainly tip it
over the edge. They didn’t notice the ICBM with “John” as it landed in an
empty part of North Korea near some old ruins, but they are sure to notice
a big aircraft flying in to capture him.

General Dempsey says yes to them going to North Korea because “war is
inevitable anyhow”. But, they must take the new special weapons, fly
along the border of North Korea and shoot their bombs in to hit “John” as
this would clearly make the North Koreans less likely to retaliate than
flying into their airspace.
So, the new special bombs are flown from Alaska to DC where they are loaded
into the missile guy’s plane.

The flight engineer won’t sign off on them being loaded as they might be
fuel air bombs, and if so any leaking propane might blow up the plane’s
engines.
Captain missile guy says “sign off or quit”, so the flight engineer quits.
The navigator is made flight engineer as he sits near that station and
should therefore know what to do. (I have to admit, this is one of the
biggest stupid things in the movie for me. They’re still at their home
base. Is there no one else qualified in the whole base other than the
navigator from the ship?)

Some woman in uniform gets on the plane at the same time as the bombs.
But, since she’s in uniform everyone thinks it is OK. When she actually
starts examining the bombs, the first officer finds out that she has no
orders to be there, is using a fake name and likes bombs. But, since he
knows she is really General Dempsey’s daughter, he walks off to the cockpit
leaving her with the bombs.

They fly off to North Korea. But, just before they land there the plane’s
engines crap out and they have to land on an island off the coast. This is
still in North Korean waters and they’re sure the North Korean Navy will
show up and start shooting them any moment.
The navigator, now sitting in the flight engineer’s seat, admits he has no
idea why the engines crapped out, but will try to fix them.

They break out a helicopter and fly over to the North Korean mainland to
look for “John” in the ruins. As they do they broadcast a signal into
North Korea saying “We’re here and we’ve got these big bombs. If “John”
doesn’t come out we’ll start dropping them.” Neither “John” nor North
Korea respond to this broadcast, but the flight surgeon is very impressed
by it. And, it is VERY clear that the North Korean Navy will show up at
any second and start shooting at them.

While they’re flying around the ruins, a North Korean attack helicopter
spots them. They manage to lose it with some tricky flying and are sure
they are now safe.
They are promptly surrounded by more North Korean attack helicopters.

The com-tech took Korean in high school so she goes and talks with them.
She explains how they are after a terrorist and the North Koreans should
help them find him because honor demands it.
This goes over as well as you’d expect and everyone starts shooting at each
other.

Then “John” shows up. Using the same prowess he showed in the
Austro-Turkish war, he kills all the North Koreans, including the new ones
parachuting in, but then gives up when reminded of the big bombs pointed at
him as he knows they are really his people still frozen and doesn’t want
them dropped on North Korea.

They fly back to the island with their plane and find that the North Korean
Navy has not yet shown up, but still might at any second.

“John” explains that he is really Prince Eugene of Savoy frozen from the
1700’s and how he’s been building kick-ass weapons for General Dempsey.
And, how the general wanted them to land on this island, shoot frozen
nobles from the 1700’s at North Korea, get shot at by the North Korean Navy
and call for help so the Kick-Ass plane can swoop in from Alaska and blow
up the whole North Korean Military.

The head missile guy calls the flight engineer who quit and says “go up to
Alaska and look for this weapon factory”.
Then they send their flight surgeon and the general’s daughter over to
another island to open up one of these big bombs to see what’s really in
it. This makes sense as surgeons have steady hands and therefore are
excellent bomb disposal techs.
Being just as good as you’d imagine them to be, they set off the big bomb.
This turns out to be OK as it is just a frozen noble from the 1700’s.
The North Korean Navy takes no notice and continues not to attack them,
although might at any second.

The quit flight engineer flies some helicopter up to Alaska, finds the
secret base making top secret Kick-Ass weapons and manages to fly in and
land because other helicopters are landing at the same time.

Now having proof that something is going on, they phone the General and
tell him they’re on to him.
He gets in the Kick-Ass plane and flies over there before they can finish
the call.
Being the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff apparently means you can
leave whenever you want and fly a top secret plane to the site of an
impending war and no one will even notice, not even the North Korean
military as other planes from your air force are just off the coast
promising to drop big bombs.
But, that North Korean Navy will….Oh, never mind.

The navigator has at least found the ignition switch by now, so they hit it
and take off, heading back to Washington DC so they can report all this to
whoever oversees what the Chairman of the Joint Chief of Staff does.
(There is no indication they know who they should be calling, or they’d
whip out that cellphone again, right?)

Even though they’re flying along with the navigator sitting in the flight
engineer’s seat telling them he isn’t sure he can keep the engines going,
they are sure they can’t be shot down as they’re flying too fast.
So they are very surprised when General Dempsey’s Kick-Ass ship flies up
behind them and starts shooting at them.

They’ve managed to get back almost all the way to Washington DC, and both
planes start circling the city. At no point before, during or after this
confrontation is there any attempt by air traffic control, air defense, or
anyone else on the ground to talk with, stop or divert the two big war
planes flying around shooting each other up as they circle the nation’s
capitol.
The North Koreans do not show up.

The missile guys tell the General they have his daughter so he can’t shoot
them. He manages to trigger the ejector seat she’s in so she’s off the
ship and then he shoots some more.

But, suddenly it stops as the flight engineer who quit turns out to have
snuck on board the Kick-Ass ship and pulled the fuses to the weapon system.
This gives them some time with the General finds a new package of fuses.

The planes continue to circle Washington DC. Now that they have stopped
shooting at each other over the suburbs there is no need to send up any
planes to stop them or anything. Although it is pointed out just how much
wreckage is falling off of them.

The head missile guy and Eugene get the bright idea to jump from their ship
to the General’s through the falling debris field as they circle the city.
Everyone tells them this is stupid, so they brace themselves before they do
it. And, it is OK because the lead missile guy tells his second in command
that he doesn’t know what he’s doing anyhow.

Despite all odds, they manage to land on the General’s ship and crawl
inside as the flight engineer opened the door for them.

The General has put some pennies in the fuse box and is getting ready to
blast them.
They charge the cockpit, kill the General and take over the Kick-Ass plane.
Of course Eugene cannot be trusted, takes over, demands his frozen nobles
back and ejects them from the cockpit.
They manage to land back on their ship again just ask the other missile guy
agrees to give the frozen nobles back.

They do a mid-air transfer of the bombs. But, the missile guys swapped the
frozen nobles for real warheads and Eugene’s plane has a big chunk blown
off when they go off.

At this point, the engines of the plane give out again. The navigator
refuses to climb into the wing where the broken fuel pump is as it is
CERTAIN DEATH because that fuel is totally poisonous.
So, the lead missile guy does it anyhow and dies.
But, he does kick the fuel pump until it starts before he dies.
So, they don’t crash onto Washington DC.
Eugene does.

Eugene aims at the Pentagon, but he’s flying a mostly blown up plane with
pennies in the fuse box. So mostly he hits the Potomac river, but does at
least damage the Pentagon parking garage.

But, Eugene survived the crash. (Hey, he’s a kick-ass noble from the
1700’s. Not a single one of them died in a plane crash! None! Zero! So,
they must be immune to it! That’s the only possible explanation for why
none of them died in plane crashes, right?) Anyhow, the other missile guys
find him, beat him up and steal his leaches to save the poisoned missile
guy as he was only mostly dead all day.

How North Korea feels about all this is never explained.

Eugene is frozen and he and the other frozen nobles from the 1700’s are put
in the warehouse next to the Arc of the Covenant and the crystal skull.
The missile guys are given back their launch codes and assigned to a five
year mission exploring things. Everyone is impressed by this as no
explorer ever went on a mission that long before. (I won’t tell Marco Polo
if you don’t…)

It is not my least favorite Star Trek movie. There are a few good parts.
But, over all, pretty stupid.

Comments

[malterre.livejournal.com]

I loved this summary

[morgan-lafaye.livejournal.com]

I haven't seen the movie yet. But when I do, this summary is sure to be playing in the back of my head making the movie O' so much better.

[palusbuteo.livejournal.com]

I had avoided reading your summary and other spoilers as I had been wanting to think the movie was OK and wanted to give it a shot.

But I couldn't help myself to read them now since a lot of people are pretty upset at the silliness of the movie.

Reading your entry...It sounds like one of your 'strange' dreams that don't make a lot of sense.
Sad.

So now I'm less inclined to see it....