I’m still freaked out

[fbhjr]

I had posted a 3 page rant on why I’m still freaked out (you know who)
called my wife Monday. I erased it soon after thinking about advice I’d
been given before of “get some balls”. But, it was up long enough for at
least one person to see it, and apparently read it.
So, the upshot is, I’m still freaked out.
Anyone who really needs the 3 page reason, I can send it to you.
(Really, it was up the length of time it took me to walk to the bathroom and back. Some folks, me too, hit that refresh an awful lot...)

Comments

[fbhjr.livejournal.com]

I’m sure the negativity is what comes through.
It is a lot easier to concentrate, talk of and notice the bad.
But, you have to remember I’m looking at this like an engineer.
Frequently, my boss calls me into his office and says something like:
“I’m trying to get the computer to do (whatever), and I can’t. Can you?”
So, I’ll say:
“Try this.” It works or doesn’t.
“No, that didn’t work. How about this?” It works or doesn’t.
“No, that didn’t work either. How about this?” It works or doesn’t.
“Still no. How about this?” It works or doesn’t.
“What does the help file say? We did that. Try it again.”
Etc.

Maybe it looks like negativity to say these things aren’t working. And,
I’m sure some of it is.
But, it is also diagnostics.
Try #1. Does it work? Yes/no.
Try #2. Does it work? Yes/no.
Etc.

I’ve had a series of tries at things to make things better, some work, some
don’t. Most work some but not totally. Some more than others.

(She hates when I talk this way about it. “What am I, a science
experiment?” is something I have heard more than once. But, it is how I
think.)

So, I understand this looks like negativity. But, negativity from me
would be “why am I still trying?” and that’s not what I’m saying. I’m
saying “what do I have to do to get this to work.”
Frustration? Oh yeah. Lots of it.
My wife can tell you that she doesn’t like to be around when I’m installing
or debugging computer stuff because I get so frustrated.

But, giving up isn’t something I’m doing. Saying it’s not worth it isn’t
something I’m doing.

What’s it take to stop that asshole from calling her?
Yes, I’m saying that.
Am I freaked I still have to ask that 6 months later?
Yes, I’m saying that too.

But, as an engineer, saying “that still isn’t working” or “that isn’t in
stock” isn’t negativity.