My mother’s funeral

[fbhjr]

The mass for my mother was set for 11AM at the church she had attended the last 63 years and the one I grew up attending. I hadn’t been there since 1981.

Give uncertainties of traffic, we left early and got there early. The church was not open, so we went back to the car.



A while later, my cousin Laura showed up. She and her husband had driven up from Cape Cod and he REALLY needed a bathroom.
I walked around the church to the rectory where I saw a priest coming out of the living quarters and encouraged him to let my cousin’s husband in.
The bathrooms are in the basement and look exactly as I remember them from 45 years ago.


Upstairs is very similar to how I remember with a few minor changes.


My uncle Ted and his three daughters showed up soon afterwards.


The funeral director suggested my brother and I act as pall bearers. I agreed, my brother did not.


It was a standard Catholic mass. It hasn’t changed much since I was a kid and I remembered enough to get through it despite being more than 4 decades out of practice.
I helped carry the coffin out again at the end.

The funeral director had both me and my brother sign a form saying it was OK to cremate her body. We both signed.

My cousins had booked a room at a local Italian restaurant for lunch after the service.


My brother and I had a bit of a chat.


Not a huge number of folks there.





The sister of the husband of my mother’s sister’s dead husband showed up.
My aunt’s husband ran over her husband with a car and killed him around 40 years ago, and she still has quite a grudge.
She didn’t sit at my table, but when I went over to the other tables visiting with people I got a long talk about how she has this grudge and expects something to be done about it.
My uncle who did this had spoken of it and said it had been an accident. He was backing out of a garage with a car packed full and his brother in law walked behind the car and was not visible to him. It had been described as a great tragedy, but not something of malice. And, legally it had been ruled an accident and no charges were made.
My aunt, who is the one my wife and I visit fairly often, me her husband several years after this happened, so had zero involvement in it. No one there had ever met her before or knew her husband before his death back in the 80’s.
So, brining this to her brother’s wife’s sister’s funeral seems very strange to me. I guess she knew my mother from some other venue, which is why she said she attended.
But, It was still very strange to have her in the pink outfit at the funeral going on about how our family killed her husband. Hope she liked the food…


We sat with my cousin Laura and her husband. I spent more time with her and her brother growing up than any other family member and it was nice to reconnect with her.


I told my brother and the lawyer who manages his trust, that the house and everything in it is my brother’s alone and he should do whatever he wants with it.
I told him is there is anything of value to sell it on ebay and keep the money.
My brother seemed to have difficulty believing I didn’t want anything.
I told him if he had anything our father had written or photos of when we were kids, I’d like to see them, but they were still his to do with what he wanted.

His friend since elementary school was there too, with their siblings.
I guess my brother’s story of him transitioning wasn’t something he made up. They confirmed they’re going by Michelle now, not Ron.
I told them that was very brave under the current administration and I hoped it all worked out for them.
All three of them seemed surprised I remembered things about them when we were in school together 45+ years ago, what I’d been told they’ve been doing since and things about their parents and what they did for a living.
But, I did.

All in all, it went as well as these things could.
One weird grudge and not even one I expected.
No one really fought.
Few insults were issued.
We weren’t even kicked out of the restaurant.
I don’t miss the old days…

Comments

[threemeninaboat]

You are a better person than your family deserves.

I'm glad it went alright.

[malterre]

He absolutely is.

[brickhousewench]

^ This

[meowmensteen]

Do you think your brother will be able to figure out how to keep the house and pay the taxes on it?

[fbhjr]

The money is in a trust fund, and the manager takes care of all of that.
According to the manager, who did attend, there should be enough for my brother to live indefinitely on it.
The house is long paid for, so it really is just the regular taxes, utilities and his food.
It shouldn’t take too much to cover all that.

[meowmensteen]

Well, that's good that he's taken care of so you don't have to worry... if you were worrying. If nothing else, you don't have to worry about him going to you for help.

[fbhjr]

That was a worry. Not that I intend to support him, but I knew the family would expect me to and be made at me when I said no. But, it’s good it shouldn’t come to that.

[palusbuteo]

wow.

[ravena_kade]

Glad it didn't go badly.

Really weird for grudge lady to show up.

[brickhousewench]

It was still very strange to have her in the pink outfit at the funeral going on about how our family killed her husband.

Wow, WTF with the Widow in Pink there? So bizarre. What on earth did she expect anyone in your family to do about it? And AFTER FORTY YEARS?!?!?

[fbhjr]

I know. It was very strange.

[clevortrevor]

I'm glad the funeral is behind you, and I hope some part of it was healing in some way. I've been thinking about you!

[fbhjr]

I wouldn't say healing.
But, it does let me draw a line under things and say "no more here".
And, that has some assurance.

[alefy]

It is behind you now- fully, as you do not want anything to do with the inheritance even. In some cases, it can be freeing in some ways.