Worth a try

[fbhjr]

One of the things out marriage counselor said I need to do more of was be
social with people other than my wife. While I explained that didn’t make
a whole lot of sense to me as I’m trying to get my wife to give up the
other man in her life and stick with me. My going off and doing other
things without her doesn’t seem to me to be a path to that.
But, he assures me it is. That if my wife doesn’t seem as smothered by me
she won’t feel the need to escape as much. And, there is sense in that.
Now the only problem is: what to do?
I have never been that much of a social person. (Even when there were
parties at my apartment every weekend, it was mostly other people coming to
where I was.) So, I don’t have any kind of list of things I’ve longed to
be doing.
Any suggestions?
Any of you folks who are local interested in doing stuff with me?
(Those of you not local are certainly welcome, but it would be on a much
less often basis.)
I like: movies, bike riding (pedal, not motor), sword fighting, museums,
most card/board games, bowling, reading, history, shopping (not for
clothes), music that isn’t too loud, eating, most types of performance,
performing in front of a crowd...
I don’t like: Drinking, most sports, cars, crowds, loud music

Of course this is only a list of things off of the top of my head. I’m
sure there are things on both lists I’m forgetting. And, I’m sure there
are things for both lists I don’t know about yet.
But, I’m willing to try.
Anyone out there willing to help?

Comments

[64tbird.livejournal.com]

Reading? Join a book group! I even had one on line for a while. (I think Lolita killed us off.)

Join a bowling league.

The paper probably has a section that lists outdoor stuff, like biking. Our paper does anyway - bike groups list the trails and times they are meeting.

Go to the nearest gaming store and ask about gaming nights. The one here had about 8 different games going on at any given time, and Fort Collins is a fraction of the size of your town.

There is definitely merit in that not smothering thing. I have seen the smothering over and over...it's never a good thing. And it's a terrible feeling to think that you are the only source of activity for another persons life.

Don't be afraid to say No to something she wants to do either, if you are truly not interested. My husband won't watch Highlander with me over and over, the bum. But it's good, I know he's not giving himself up for me. I'll go watch Highlander with my Highlander friends.

Balance.

[fbhjr.livejournal.com]

I've got someone willing to do the bike riding with me once it's a bit warmer. So, that will be nice.
I've got a D&D group if I could only get them to meet more often.
The problem with bowling leagues, and archery (which I forgot to list) is that I'm bad at them. I like doing it, but I'd feel bad bringing a team down. So, I'm not sure what to do about that.

I do say no to her things a lot. But, that's an issue too. If I am at all sad that she goes off and does things without me, she tells me I am punishing her by being sad. Don't know what to do about that one as I can't help being sad sometimes.

[64tbird.livejournal.com]

Okay - the sad thing - that's gotta go. That's the dependence thing I mentioned. Fill it in if she's doing something else. Make yourself happy. Especially if you know in advance that she's doing something...plan something for yourself even if it's just renting a movie. Make yourself happy, dude. She knows you love her. You don't have to prove it by making yourself miserable when she's gone, yaknow?

I mean - godforbid - if she got hit by a bus and was gone, you'd have to keep living. So why not live now along side her? Not attached at the hip or anything, just LIVE. It's your life too.

(One day I'll retell my story, and maybe you'll see some parallels -not the abusive part I hope- and you can get a different understanding of what I am trying to say. Short version; We've been divorce 8 years and he still centers his life around ME. Gah!)

I had another thought... does Clark do Continuing Ed/Adult ed type classes in the evenings? I've met so many awesome people going back to school. Of all ages, but awesome people. And it's really hard for me to make RL friends, because I have standards that are probably way too high for mere mortals, much less women with kids or 20-somethings recovering from whatever... Sometimes the Cont. Ed classes are only a few weeks long. You might want to look into that.

[fbhjr.livejournal.com]

The class thing is a good idea. We took a writing class a few years (decade) ago and I liked that...

[evrgreen.livejournal.com]

I agree with the many suggestions others have recommended for you, and I'll add a couple others to think about. How about using your personal talents and skills in other areas/activities that perhaps you don't have in common?
Perhaps volunteering to help out with a local swimming program for kids, joining/forming a musical group - even if it doesn't perform in public, see if there are opportunities to become an advisor for a school's science or engineering program or robotics team (perhaps a little late this year for the robotics thing) but these can also get you out and meeting new and interesting people, and possibly spin-off other ideas that you have interest in.
+1 on the local biking and outdoor clubs postings - even our dinky little town has these things in the paper when the weather is warmer. Taking some classes can also be good, though I'd recommend not signing up for long-term
classes at the start. Writing classes would be good, but don't be afraid to 'push your own envelope' of comfort level either - a little personal stretching can be a good thing, too - so consider that introductory Yoga class or introductory Tai Chi, etc.

[fbhjr.livejournal.com]

I don't think the music would work well. Although I still enjoy listening, I gave up performing it in 1977. So, I think the talent, if ever there, has gone off elsewhere.

Stretching with Yoga or Tai Chi: very funny ;)

I did look at the classes in the area. Most of them have already started for the spring. But, there will be more.

[saeble.livejournal.com]

paper and dice RPG for teh win !

try something other than D and D, White Wolf, Shadowrun, Legend of Five Rings, even the Star Wars paper and dice RPG is worth some giggles.

this is all provided you can get yourself a troupe which works well with you and vice versa

I miss it like a severed limb. I really wish I could get a troupe together again to get back into it.

[fbhjr.livejournal.com]

I've done plenty of others. The group I'm running these days specifically asked for 1st generation D&D. So, that's what I'm using. (Not my favorite, even of the D&D's).

I used to do a lot of it. But, most of the folks I ran with have moved away. I could look at the gaming/comic stores nearby, but I've had problems with folks met that way before.

[64tbird.livejournal.com]

Google "Arkham Horror" and there is a site that has tons of board RPG games. Begin and end in an evening.

[fbhjr.livejournal.com]

For RPGs I tend to like long term story telling, not one shot things.
Board games I like less complicated. Chess, Khet, Monopoly, things like that.

[blue-micha.livejournal.com]

I know finding people would be an issue, but I am willing to try the D&D pen/paper type games again, I just need people to understand that I don't know things that most seasoned gamwes would "couldn't you tell that they were magically bound and helpless" or that "your not acting your character personality type!"

And like Rach said, bowling is fun, I too sux at it but it's fun! (same goes with pool)

[fbhjr.livejournal.com]

I love playing pool!
Almost as much as I suck at it!

[morgan-lafaye.livejournal.com]

Ummm, I like museums, Suck at bowling but have been told its fun to watch me try. Hell you know what I like almost as much as I do. I'm willing when able to do stuff with ya.

[perrin-o-ravnos.livejournal.com]

Anytime you just need to fill in some time give me a call and something can be done I'm sure =P

[palusbuteo.livejournal.com]

Yupyup - gimmie a [call] to sometime.

Who cares if you stink at Bowling, you said you enjoy it, I haven't done it in years, so I probably stink to, but there are times I miss it, and there's a lane a stonethrow from you. So...Let's try that. We could have fun just joshing and teasing each other about how bad we are. Taunting is good ol male fun :D

I'm also totally up for a Star Wars RPG game

Perrin's got Rock Band - Tim's got Guitar Hero (we just need another guitar)...we could have fun with that.

There's also this really cool Museum in Worcester that has swords and knights and stuff.

And of course there's this Roman Legion thing...Come Join The Mighty Third! Bwahahaha!

Just remember, my Thursdays are not good now ~ and that will likely switch to Tuesdays in the Fall.
...OOOh, speaking of which, you could try your hand at Bayonet drill! We've managed to suck Karl into it now, too.

[yebo.livejournal.com]

You can always start bowling on the Wii - it has all the fun of real bowling except the spray for your rental shoes. I'd be interested to see how my experience with the WiiMote would translate over, too....

As mentioned, once the bike is off the workstand, I'm up for biking again. I don't know what kind of shape I'll be in, but we'll see. I'm thinking of getting (or making) a truckbed rack, so it will be pretty easy to truck the bikes to a good location.

Other things - I'd be interested in running FUDGE again, or perhaps a D&D campaign (you probably even know the one). The thing that appeals about FUDGE is that we could structure it as a series of one-shots, and hence avoid the typical campaign stagnation as key individuals get busy.

There are a huge number of movies/performances at the area colleges that are free or low cost, and Zosh & I have started going to the Elm Druaghthouse when there is a movie we like - perhaps the two of us can go when there is something that has too many spaceships, Trojans, or automatic wepaons for her.

And if you end up sitting around some evening and say to yourself, "I want to whomp someone at Khet", just give me a call....

[fbhjr.livejournal.com]

Trojans?
I'm not into that kind of movie...

[yebo.livejournal.com]

I needed a word for "big piles of historical figures with swords, probably against a blue-screen (ironic - they usually use green) background, with some computer generated assistance", and picked Trojans. Could have been Romans, Spartans or Greeks, or even "Merry Men".....

[morgan-lafaye.livejournal.com]

Sword and sandal movie works well, historical movie etc.:) :) :)