Points of view

[fbhjr]

So, is it just me?
I will admit the fact my wife fooled around with another man bothers me. It does.
But, what bother’s me most is that the man in question is married to someone else.
Is that just me? Am I somehow old fashion and out of date for that to bother me?
Honestly that bothers me more than her cheating on me. Before we were married we both fooled around with other people. In the grand scheme of things, what’s one more blow job she’s given? I can make that decision to let it go. I know what’s gone on. I can say “they used protection so I’m probably OK, it isn’t something I can’t forgive.”
But, this other’s guy’s wife can’t make that choice. She doesn’t know where my wife has been, what or who she’s done things with, what she might have been exposed to. And, she can’t make an informed decision about if she is OK with it or not.
That bothers me. A lot.
(I do remain worried about where this other guy’s been and what he may have. But, I’m told protection was used, so it isn’t as bad as it could be. Condoms don’t stop everything, but they stop a lot.)

So, I wonder this because I don’t see signs of people saying things like “leave Frank if you have to, but don’t steal someone else’s husband.”
Maybe bunches of you are saying it to her, and she just isn’t passing it on to me. But, when I say it to her I don’t get a “yeah xxx said that too” answer. I get a “stop pushing me” answer.

So, I wonder if it is just me.
I want her back. I do.
I want her to want to be back.

But, even if things don’t work out and we don’t get back together, I still thinks she shouldn’t be with someone else’s husband.
Maybe it just me.

Comments

[darlong.livejournal.com]

It isn't just you.

Both of you are triggering all kinds of moral dilemmas for eachother and those who care about you.

BUt here's the thing, eh. Sometimes you have to love and accept people for exactly where they are in their journey. Even if you would not go there yourself. Even if you know that they are treading on dangerous ground. Even if you know that they are going to have colossal regrets about things they are doing and saying because they are so totally overwhelmed they can't see the pain they are causing.

As a friend you support them in their wounded state, imperfect as it may be. And trust that as they get the strength to take a broader view of the situation and have energy to do more than just cope they will figure out the next steps to take.

Doing anything else becomes too much like judgement. Which may be how she perceives it when you mention it.

Ultimately it is placing your love, respect, and affection for that person above your need to assert your own moral/ethical code on them or their life or even life in general.

(THis is not to say you are not entitled to feel that way...you are. )

Just my thoughts, and wishes for a good day for you and yours.

[perrin-o-ravnos.livejournal.com]

Having done very little comment on the entire situation via LJ I have to respectfully disagree a bit with you. Yes saying she should be, at the very least, concerned about the one person right now who may or may not know about the whole thing. His wife. Yes that IS judgement. Does that make it wrong? No. I am friends with, and plan to continue to be friends with, both of the Hunts. I still feel that the wife deserves a fair shake. If she knows and has expressed the same feelings as his wife thats different. Nothing I have heard says she even knows. Hate my opinion if you want but the only two who know the facts cannot judge unbiased. When personal feelings are involved nothing is cut and dry.

[fbhjr.livejournal.com]

Understand, my worry is not about what has gone on.
My worry is about moving forward.
She says she has not yet decided how she wants to resolve things. And, that worries me.
I honestly think that if she did fool around with him in the future that she would one day regret it. Maybe a lot.
I know it looks like I’m trying to control her. I know it looks like I’m judging her. I know it looks like jealousy on my part.

But, it really is that someone I care for says they are considering something I think is a mistake and something they would come to regret.

I don’t seem to be able to get that across without her hearing the other things. And, I worry it’s so mixed up with the other things that the meaning will get lost.

As I’ve said to her, I think she deserves to have someone in her life who really loves her.
I’d like to be that person.
But, even if I can’t be, I think someone who loves her after their own wife is less than she deserves. She doesn’t deserve to be #2 in someone’s life.
Even if it isn’t me, she deserves to be #1 to someone.

[perrin-o-ravnos.livejournal.com]

I don't disagree with you in the least. My worry is she is making the choice without considering the other wife variable. To put it in the basest of terms, shes wants something so selfishly that she does not seem to care how the other persons life, outside of with her, would be affected by the actual event. She would be the bad guy in the black baby eating armor who swooped in a destroyed the happy family if they found out. That is just plain truth if the truth of their relationship is not revealed to his wife at this point.

But my comment was a reply to Darlong, though I failed to hit reply to this and it may have seemed a comment for you =P chock that up to being an LJ lurker more than an avid Blogger.