Points of view

[fbhjr]

So, is it just me?
I will admit the fact my wife fooled around with another man bothers me. It does.
But, what bother’s me most is that the man in question is married to someone else.
Is that just me? Am I somehow old fashion and out of date for that to bother me?
Honestly that bothers me more than her cheating on me. Before we were married we both fooled around with other people. In the grand scheme of things, what’s one more blow job she’s given? I can make that decision to let it go. I know what’s gone on. I can say “they used protection so I’m probably OK, it isn’t something I can’t forgive.”
But, this other’s guy’s wife can’t make that choice. She doesn’t know where my wife has been, what or who she’s done things with, what she might have been exposed to. And, she can’t make an informed decision about if she is OK with it or not.
That bothers me. A lot.
(I do remain worried about where this other guy’s been and what he may have. But, I’m told protection was used, so it isn’t as bad as it could be. Condoms don’t stop everything, but they stop a lot.)

So, I wonder this because I don’t see signs of people saying things like “leave Frank if you have to, but don’t steal someone else’s husband.”
Maybe bunches of you are saying it to her, and she just isn’t passing it on to me. But, when I say it to her I don’t get a “yeah xxx said that too” answer. I get a “stop pushing me” answer.

So, I wonder if it is just me.
I want her back. I do.
I want her to want to be back.

But, even if things don’t work out and we don’t get back together, I still thinks she shouldn’t be with someone else’s husband.
Maybe it just me.

Comments

[perrin-o-ravnos.livejournal.com]

Having done very little comment on the entire situation via LJ I have to respectfully disagree a bit with you. Yes saying she should be, at the very least, concerned about the one person right now who may or may not know about the whole thing. His wife. Yes that IS judgement. Does that make it wrong? No. I am friends with, and plan to continue to be friends with, both of the Hunts. I still feel that the wife deserves a fair shake. If she knows and has expressed the same feelings as his wife thats different. Nothing I have heard says she even knows. Hate my opinion if you want but the only two who know the facts cannot judge unbiased. When personal feelings are involved nothing is cut and dry.

[fbhjr.livejournal.com]

Understand, my worry is not about what has gone on.
My worry is about moving forward.
She says she has not yet decided how she wants to resolve things. And, that worries me.
I honestly think that if she did fool around with him in the future that she would one day regret it. Maybe a lot.
I know it looks like I’m trying to control her. I know it looks like I’m judging her. I know it looks like jealousy on my part.

But, it really is that someone I care for says they are considering something I think is a mistake and something they would come to regret.

I don’t seem to be able to get that across without her hearing the other things. And, I worry it’s so mixed up with the other things that the meaning will get lost.

As I’ve said to her, I think she deserves to have someone in her life who really loves her.
I’d like to be that person.
But, even if I can’t be, I think someone who loves her after their own wife is less than she deserves. She doesn’t deserve to be #2 in someone’s life.
Even if it isn’t me, she deserves to be #1 to someone.