Points of view
Sep. 17th, 2007 08:30 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fbhjrSo, is it just me?
I will admit the fact my wife fooled around with another man bothers me. It does.
But, what bother’s me most is that the man in question is married to someone else.
Is that just me? Am I somehow old fashion and out of date for that to bother me?
Honestly that bothers me more than her cheating on me. Before we were married we both fooled around with other people. In the grand scheme of things, what’s one more blow job she’s given? I can make that decision to let it go. I know what’s gone on. I can say “they used protection so I’m probably OK, it isn’t something I can’t forgive.”
But, this other’s guy’s wife can’t make that choice. She doesn’t know where my wife has been, what or who she’s done things with, what she might have been exposed to. And, she can’t make an informed decision about if she is OK with it or not.
That bothers me. A lot.
(I do remain worried about where this other guy’s been and what he may have. But, I’m told protection was used, so it isn’t as bad as it could be. Condoms don’t stop everything, but they stop a lot.)
So, I wonder this because I don’t see signs of people saying things like “leave Frank if you have to, but don’t steal someone else’s husband.”
Maybe bunches of you are saying it to her, and she just isn’t passing it on to me. But, when I say it to her I don’t get a “yeah xxx said that too” answer. I get a “stop pushing me” answer.
So, I wonder if it is just me.
I want her back. I do.
I want her to want to be back.
But, even if things don’t work out and we don’t get back together, I still thinks she shouldn’t be with someone else’s husband.
Maybe it just me.
I will admit the fact my wife fooled around with another man bothers me. It does.
But, what bother’s me most is that the man in question is married to someone else.
Is that just me? Am I somehow old fashion and out of date for that to bother me?
Honestly that bothers me more than her cheating on me. Before we were married we both fooled around with other people. In the grand scheme of things, what’s one more blow job she’s given? I can make that decision to let it go. I know what’s gone on. I can say “they used protection so I’m probably OK, it isn’t something I can’t forgive.”
But, this other’s guy’s wife can’t make that choice. She doesn’t know where my wife has been, what or who she’s done things with, what she might have been exposed to. And, she can’t make an informed decision about if she is OK with it or not.
That bothers me. A lot.
(I do remain worried about where this other guy’s been and what he may have. But, I’m told protection was used, so it isn’t as bad as it could be. Condoms don’t stop everything, but they stop a lot.)
So, I wonder this because I don’t see signs of people saying things like “leave Frank if you have to, but don’t steal someone else’s husband.”
Maybe bunches of you are saying it to her, and she just isn’t passing it on to me. But, when I say it to her I don’t get a “yeah xxx said that too” answer. I get a “stop pushing me” answer.
So, I wonder if it is just me.
I want her back. I do.
I want her to want to be back.
But, even if things don’t work out and we don’t get back together, I still thinks she shouldn’t be with someone else’s husband.
Maybe it just me.
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no subject
Date: 2007-09-17 01:37 pm (UTC)Both of you are triggering all kinds of moral dilemmas for eachother and those who care about you.
BUt here's the thing, eh. Sometimes you have to love and accept people for exactly where they are in their journey. Even if you would not go there yourself. Even if you know that they are treading on dangerous ground. Even if you know that they are going to have colossal regrets about things they are doing and saying because they are so totally overwhelmed they can't see the pain they are causing.
As a friend you support them in their wounded state, imperfect as it may be. And trust that as they get the strength to take a broader view of the situation and have energy to do more than just cope they will figure out the next steps to take.
Doing anything else becomes too much like judgement. Which may be how she perceives it when you mention it.
Ultimately it is placing your love, respect, and affection for that person above your need to assert your own moral/ethical code on them or their life or even life in general.
(THis is not to say you are not entitled to feel that way...you are. )
Just my thoughts, and wishes for a good day for you and yours.