A dream of my sister

[fbhjr]

Last night I dreamed I was walking through some sort of apartment complex, shopping mall and street market when my sister came up to me. She was wearing the work uniform of one of the stores there in the shopping area.
"Hi Frank," she said. "I thought it was time to let you know that I’ve been living here, taking care of my son and some other people."
"You’ve been here all along?" I asked. "Why didn’t you say something?"
"I had things to work out and didn’t want to trouble you."

She led me down a corridor/alley where there were a whole lot of people. It was clear they were living in this street/wing of the mall, not where the apartments were.
"This is my son," my sister said, leading a boy about 10 over to me.
"Say hi to your uncle Frank," she told the boy.
He just looked at me.
"Do you want to come live with us?" I asked her. "I’m sure it would be better than here."
She looked at me.
"It was a mistake to think you’d understand," she said. "I shouldn’t have let you know I’m here."

She turned and went back into the crowd. They pressed in between me and her and stopped me from going after her.
I turned to look for her son, but he was also gone.
I tried pushing through the people, but did not get very far.
I went over to the store matching the shirt she had been wearing. They told me that no one by her name worked there. But, I realized it would be very easy for her to use another name.
Dream ends


To the best of my knowledge my sister has never had a child. Or anyone in her life in the sort of relationship that might lead to that.
Of course, I know very little about my sister’s life. So, for all I know she has a whole bunch of kids. But, I doubt it.
I know she did, and for all I know still does, work as a nanny. So, there are lots of kids that are almost like kids to her.
Also, as far as I know she has never worked in a shopping mall.
But, my data is quite old.

In the dream she was younger than I am. But, she’s 15 years older than me and I haven’t seen her in more than 20 years. So, when I last saw her, she was younger than I am now.
But, she looked even younger than that. Mid 30’s or so.

Every time I have dream like this I call up the Rockford IL paper and make sure her name isn’t listed under people who have died.
So far, her name has never been there.

It is nice to see her. Even if only in my dreams.

Comments

[hindustar.livejournal.com]

I am sorry. I hope the estrangement wasn't on bad terms at least. *hugs*

[fbhjr.livejournal.com]

She told me that is is her not me.
And maybe that is true. Who knows?

If you want long version: http://fbhjr.livejournal.com/593948.html

[hindustar.livejournal.com]

Wow. Just wow. I am speechless. My heart is with you both. *hugs*

[chaquir.livejournal.com]

I had a look at the entry you linked in a comment.
I commented over there..


*giant hug* for you my friend. There are no words..

[endlessblush.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[cissa.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I still feel really guilty about cutting off my mother's mother. In my childhood, she was pretty much the only person who actually loved me, besides my cat.

But- when things blew up- she just WOULD NOT stop pestering me to reconcile with my horrible mother- she was in my mother's thrall. And she WOULD NOT respect my boundaries, so that anything I told her she immediately repeated to my mother, despite my pleas. And- there was just no way that I could have my mother's toxicity in my and my kid's lives.

I think a more generous person might have been able to manage it, but I am not that person. Sadly. And I know it broke my grandmother's heart. *cringe*

But. I could not allow my mother's abuse and toxicity to infect my kid. Even though I now writhe in guilt.