More issues of communication

[fbhjr]

I’ve found one of the other communications disconnects we seem to be having.
My wife seems to have this fundamental opinion that people are not very
interested in what she’s doing. That she’s doing what she likes and
interests her, but that others won’t really be that interested in it.
I think that she often finds things and does things that are exciting and
interesting.
Some of my favorite music, movies and activities are things she introduced
me to. (You know, things like going to ren faires and later performing at
them.)
So, I look forward to her doing things, telling me about things or finding
out about things.
She often seems to think she is doing me a favor by “not bothering” me with
what she’s doing. However, she does like being appreciated for these
things, and seems to feel sad if she’s gone and found something she likes
and doesn’t have anyone to tell.
This can result is us both getting upset about the same thing, but from
different points of view.
I’ll get upset she didn’t share something with me that I had hoped she
would.
She gets upset that she did me the favor of not bothering me with it, and I
am not grateful for it.
It goes down hill if I express feeling left out or not valued for not
getting the sharing I expected.
She seems to interpret this as her having done something wrong and to go
even farther out of her way to avoid it the next time.
I need some way to encourage her to share more. And, some way to explain
that her “not bothering me” is not what I want. I want to be “bothered”.
I want to be involved.
No, that isn’t spending every waking moment with her.
It’s hoping that she’ll be excited to share what she does, finds and feels
with me.
These days I feel like a debriefing officer taking the report of someone.
I’m not sure how to change that.