Indeterminate

[fbhjr]

My wife went to see our marriage counselor on her own yesterday. I don’t
know what they talked about, or what issues were brought up.
She did tell me that I would be happy to know he recommended that she
extend her hiatus from (him) for an indeterminate time.
However, I’m not happy about that, because I know what indeterminate means.
http://www.merriam-webster.com/cgi-bin/dictionary?indeterminate
So, I said “Can’t we say ‘until further notice’ or something like that?”
My fear with indeterminate is that I’ll think we’re still living with the
hiatus. Then, at some point I’ll find out it ended two months before, or
something like that. And, with out it being determinate, I wouldn’t have
any way to know when to expect that.
Don’t get me wrong, I do want it extended. I’ve asked for 40 more years.
That’s probably optimistic.
But, if it is indeterminate, it might end at any time, without any notice.
Every day I’d worry that it was going to end that day. I wouldn’t feel at
all safe or secure with it.
I know, some of you have pointed out to me that there is no safety and
security is an illusion. That promises, oaths and threats of great
disaster were not enough to avoid these things in the past.
And, I know you’re right.
But, it is an illusion I enjoy.
And, I am willing to say “this time it will be different” and “despite the
past, I will trust her to do what she says she will”.
That gives me no more protection then I had before all this. But, if I
want to even have a chance of getting what I desire, I’ve got to give that
trust. I’ve got to believe it will be different this time. And, I’m
willing to do that.

Of course, it is all theoretical as she hasn’t said she will extend the
hiatus.
So, maybe this is all pointless.
We’ll see.