If you want to help
Nov. 12th, 2007 08:40 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fbhjrMy wife and I have friends who are concerned about our relationship. And,
with good reason. Our relationship has been having problems of a major
sort this last year or two and both of us have suffered because of that.
Some of our friends out there have been trying to help us with the
relationship. And, I do appreciate you are trying to help.
If you do want to help, then please help on the positive side. Both of us
are well aware of our weak points. We are aware of our problems. We are
aware of our short comings.
Neither of us needs help in seeing them. Hearing more of that does not
help. It shakes our confidence when we are already shaky and makes it
harder to work on the things that need it.
If you really want to help us, help us remember the good: in ourselves, in
each other, in our relationship, in our friends, in why you care enough to
want to help.
We don’t have difficulty remembering the bad. We have lived with the bad,
and it is still hanging around more than enough to let us forget it.
The good is more elusive. Both of us have trouble getting a grip on that.
That’s where we need the help.
with good reason. Our relationship has been having problems of a major
sort this last year or two and both of us have suffered because of that.
Some of our friends out there have been trying to help us with the
relationship. And, I do appreciate you are trying to help.
If you do want to help, then please help on the positive side. Both of us
are well aware of our weak points. We are aware of our problems. We are
aware of our short comings.
Neither of us needs help in seeing them. Hearing more of that does not
help. It shakes our confidence when we are already shaky and makes it
harder to work on the things that need it.
If you really want to help us, help us remember the good: in ourselves, in
each other, in our relationship, in our friends, in why you care enough to
want to help.
We don’t have difficulty remembering the bad. We have lived with the bad,
and it is still hanging around more than enough to let us forget it.
The good is more elusive. Both of us have trouble getting a grip on that.
That’s where we need the help.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2007-11-12 10:10 pm (UTC)Heck, I have warm memories of sitting around the living room, just kibbitzing with you both.
I send virtual hugs your way.
no subject
Date: 2007-11-12 11:01 pm (UTC)Fond Memories...
Date: 2007-11-14 08:21 pm (UTC)The MALAR Ate it!
damn carnivores....
Re: Fond Memories...
Date: 2007-11-14 08:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-11-16 02:41 am (UTC)And you are quite right.
In the interest of not stirring things up I refrained from posting my thoughts.
I never stopped believing that you loved eachother, I never stopped hoping that you could work through this time.
I believe you are uniquely qualified to love eachother in ways and at a level nobody else could touch.
It won't be easy. There is a lot of stuff that has grown between you, but neither of you have ever lacked courage (or swords!) so I fully expected/hoped you would fight for your relationship.
She loves you in a way that radiates from her when she speaks. You love her enough to be torn asunder by what has finally surfaced. You are both incredibly bright, witty and charming people that amaze me.
You are both always welcome in my home.
no subject
Date: 2007-11-16 05:01 pm (UTC)I know many people are rooting for us. But, many show it in ways that are not doing either of us any good, which is why I'm trying to offer some guidance to what we need.
Again, thank you for sharing the good.
I'd write more, but am a bit busy right now. ;)