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fbhjrSo, I gave my wife back her phone yesterday.
It wasn’t overly easy for me to do. It was the means of my finding out about her relationship with that other guy. Although the phone itself plays only the smallest roll in it and the reasons behind it, it is still a focus for events.
But, when she was driving home from sword practice last Saturday night in the rain, I feared for her safety. And, for not having a way to call for help if something went wrong in the rain in the middle of the night.
“You know I will use it to call him,” she said when I gave it back.
“Yeah,” I said. “But, if you wanted to call him there is a phone in your office, a phone where you’re staying and payphones on the street. Having the cell with you doesn’t change that you could call him any time you wanted anyhow. But, it does mean you have a way to call for help if something goes wrong with your now 40 mile each way commute.”
I have qualms about the phone.
But there are at least a dozen different ways for her to call, email, mail, telegram or other ways for them to get in touch and together.
If she’s going to, she’s going to.
The phone won’t change that.
I do have to admit I wish she had said “I could use it to call him” not “I will use it to call him”. But, I have also asked her to be honest. And, I’m pretty sure I know which one is the honest one.
I don’t like her being in love with another man. I can’t lie and say I do.
But, I can’t blame the phone.
It wasn’t overly easy for me to do. It was the means of my finding out about her relationship with that other guy. Although the phone itself plays only the smallest roll in it and the reasons behind it, it is still a focus for events.
But, when she was driving home from sword practice last Saturday night in the rain, I feared for her safety. And, for not having a way to call for help if something went wrong in the rain in the middle of the night.
“You know I will use it to call him,” she said when I gave it back.
“Yeah,” I said. “But, if you wanted to call him there is a phone in your office, a phone where you’re staying and payphones on the street. Having the cell with you doesn’t change that you could call him any time you wanted anyhow. But, it does mean you have a way to call for help if something goes wrong with your now 40 mile each way commute.”
I have qualms about the phone.
But there are at least a dozen different ways for her to call, email, mail, telegram or other ways for them to get in touch and together.
If she’s going to, she’s going to.
The phone won’t change that.
I do have to admit I wish she had said “I could use it to call him” not “I will use it to call him”. But, I have also asked her to be honest. And, I’m pretty sure I know which one is the honest one.
I don’t like her being in love with another man. I can’t lie and say I do.
But, I can’t blame the phone.
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Date: 2007-09-12 12:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-12 01:06 pm (UTC)As I've said, if you're going to hook up with him, not having the phone won't change that.
And, with your now 40 mile commute, I'd rather you had a way to call AAA if you needed it.
Don't get me wrong. I don't want you to call him. I don't want you to see him. I certainly don't want you to spend another afternoon with him.
Those are my wants, not yours. Not dictates. Not commands. Not orders. Not even requests.
Simply what I'd want.
But, it goes back to my father's "your head doesn't rattle" lesson. If I don't tell you what I want, I can't blame you for not knowing.
Peace will be possible if we ever get to the point when you can say "I'm happy with just you, Frank".
While you long to return to his arms, I won't have peace. The phone doesn't make a difference.
It's a communication tool. You're surrounded by other communication tools.
It doesn't matter.
However, do not get the impression I returned it to you as a way of saying I want you to call him.
I don't.
But, I want you to be able to call for help if your 12 year old car stops on the Pike.
If that gives you an additional tool to communicate with him, I have to accept that.