Remembering Lou

[fbhjr]

4 years ago today my friend Lou died.
He was one of the most upbeat guys I knew. Not to say he didn’t have bad times, get mad at stuff or be sad.
But, he seemed to bounce back from it pretty fast. Maybe that’s just my view of him, I don’t know.
Ever since his funeral I’ve had this image of him in my head. Not that he’s gone, but that he’s gone ahead to get the party ready for us. And, when (if) we show up he’s going to hand us a drink and say “what the fuck too you so long?”
So, I sit here and raise my glass to Lou. Keep the stuff on ice, we’ll get there eventually.

Comments

[malterre.livejournal.com]

I have this marked in my memories
http://malterre.livejournal.com/98803.html

[fbhjr.livejournal.com]

I wasn't anywhere near as descriptive in what I wrote about it in my diary back then...

Wednesday, October 08, 2003
I guess things went well enough. I had no idea what to say to Karen, but I don’t think anyone else did either.
Alan and Gabriele came up from Maryland for it. We met them at the funeral house last night during the wake, and then went to dinner together.
As Rachel is sleeping in our guest room, I put the couch together for them and they slept there. Alan said he slept fine. I didn’t. But, what can you do?
Pam met us in the morning, and then we picked up Jesse on the way. We drove Pam’s car as it could fit the 4 of us better. Alan and Gabriele went on their own.
The service today was very nice. We started at the funeral home at 9. There was a short prayer there and then we all drove to Saint Anne’s church near where they live. They had the full mass. There was a lot of incense burnt at the ceremony and I’m still having an allergic reaction to it. When I get home tonight I’ll take a shower to get rid of it.
There were a lot of people there. The church was pretty close to full. One of his friends from the bike club gave a very nice eulogy.
We went to the grave site with most of the others. The weather was warm and sunny. A perfect day to be outside. The leaves were turning and it was very nice. It was nice that the weather was so nice for it.
Afterwards me, Holly, Pam, Alex, Jesse, Alan and Gabriele went back to Shrewsbury and had lunch at the Ground Round. I got to work about 1:30, which is a lot later than I expected.
And, I can’t really say I’m getting much done either.
I keep thinking about how he was two years younger than me. And, president of a bike club, so he got lots of exercise. I know he had a bad heart and all, but it is still hard to get used to.
And, I do firmly believe in life after death. I don’t think Lou’s gone forever, he’s just moved on.
But, I feel very bad about the ones he’s left behind. Karen, Emma and Eva are going to have it hard without him. And, there’s nothing I can do to change that.

[fbhjr.livejournal.com]

And:
Friday, October 10, 2003
Another night of not sleeping well. I haven’t slept well all week. Mostly because I keep thinking about Lou and his family. Last night I turned on the radio to help me sleep. But, it didn’t help. Songs like “missing you”, “help me mend my broken heart”, etc just reminded me about it all the more.
While I did think of Lou as a friend, he wasn’t someone I spent a lot of time with. I’d see him at BYOS and maybe once or twice a year other than that.
So, it’s not that I miss him in my life or anything like that.
It’s what his death represents.
He’s the first of my contemporaries to die of natural causes.
Mike (Harry) died almost 20 years ago in Lebanon. But, he was blown up by terrorists. While very sad, it didn’t make me think it could happen to me.
But, I turn 40 in less than a month. I’m overweight and have high blood pressure.
Granted, no one in my family has died of a heart attack that I know of. But, it is still something that could very well happen.
I’ve known other people who died from cancer, or bad kidneys. But, those take a while and the people get a chance to make some peace with those they leave behind.
Not that I’m saying a slow death is good either. And, I don’t really want to go through months or years of treatment that doesn’t work but does have massive side effects.
So, I’ve been losing sleep over the thoughts of myself or Holly dieing, not Lou. But, it’s Lou’s death that has made me think about it.
And, it hasn’t changed my faith in life after death. Or, in God or other religious beliefs.
I still believe in God, life after death, and a plan for everything.
I have no doubt Lou has gone on to another, hopefully better, place.
But, I’ve been thinking much more about the people left behind.
Compared to the rest of history, the difference that people are left behind is very small. But, it won’t seem that way for the people living it.
My grandfather died in 1935. His wife, my grandmother, died in 1975 or 1976. So, she lived without him for 40 or so years. My other grandparents it was less. That was 15 or so years. My father out lived his first wife by 38 or so years. If my mother lives to be her mother’s age, she will out live my father by 24 years.
I wouldn’t want to leave Holly alone for that much time. It would seem to be very hard on her to do so. But, it’s not like I get a choice in the matter.
I keep thinking that Lou is the first. But, there are a lot more to follow.
Hopefully not too soon.