Life outside the craters

[fbhjr]

It was ten years ago today that my wife and I lost our unborn child, our last chance to have children I almost lost my wife.

By far the worst day of my life with repercussions that ripped through my
life for many years after. But, as I said last year when the day came around I think I am finally out of the crater this left in my life.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m never going to be happy about it, or the damage
done. My wife and I wanted children. We may live vicariously through our
friends children, especially our godchildren, but it will always be sad that we weren’t able to have our
own.
Not anyone’s fault any more than earthquakes or that asteroid zooming
overhead today. It just is and needs to be accepted as such.

Of course, one of my ways to deal with it is graphically. Yes, I think in
shapes. It’s the way I work.
As I spoke of the other day, I like to think of things moving away from me
at the speed we move through space around the Earth, sun and galaxy.
And, if you look at how far we’ve rotated around the galaxy in 10 years,
we’ve cleared the planets (green) and solar wind (red).

So, some might say we’ve cleared the solar system by now.
That’s a comforting thought. That all that pain is off in a different
solar system by now.

But, there’s Sedna. The farthest out object known in the solar system.
Vastly farther out than the planets or solar wind.

We’re only about halfway out of the orbit of Sedna. And since it goes
around the sun, we’re still in the solar system.

But, as I said the other day, I’ve finally figured
out how to add galactic motion to my calculations.
That gives a bit more than double speed to my numbers. With that boost,
we’re out past Sedna.


So, I can say that awful night 10 years ago is safely in a different solar
system now.
(OK, not really. If you look at the distance to Alpha Centauri, the
closest other solar system, we’re only 1.5% of the way there.)


Looked at another way, if I chart the “craters” this event and its related
fallout made in my life it comes out like this. I predated it to when we
started trying to have kids as the effort we put into that certainly
contributed to the damage received later.

(Duration horizontally, impact vertically.)
That place about ¾ to the right where so many things overlap is 2007. That
was a pretty rotten year for me.

So here I am outside that warzone my life was for many years after that
dark night in 2003. I’m very happy to be here. Happy to still have some
of my old friends and have many new friends.
And, very happy my wife is still with me.

Tonight my wife and I are going to meet up with some of our friends, both
old and new, and go out to dinner at a very nice restaurant. I’m sure
we’ll have a good time.
I couldn’t ask for a better way to spend tonight, with my wife and friends.

Comments

[ravena-kade.livejournal.com]

I am in awe of how you graph things...wish you didn't have to go through some of those things. I do hope your pains run into a black hole. Enjoy tonight.

[chris-warrior.livejournal.com]

just leaving a *hug* here.

[sorceress.livejournal.com]

I love that you graph things. *hugs*

[endlessblush.livejournal.com]

I couldn't click on your links - I was blocked, but that's ok. I just wanted to give you a *HUG*. I know many people's who relationships have not survived such a loss. You are lucky to have each other and get through this.

I hope the anniversary tonight is one filled with laughter and happiness and not too much sadness. Take care of each other tonight.

**HUGS**

[fbhjr.livejournal.com]

You shouldn't be blocked. They're not even locked entries...

Here they are not embedded if you're interested:
http://fbhjr.livejournal.com/44515.html
http://fbhjr.livejournal.com/530546.html
http://fbhjr.livejournal.com/tag/godkids

[endlessblush.livejournal.com]

The first entry is really hard to read ... so sorry for you loss.

[cissa.livejournal.com]

*hugs* that's so hard.