More forgiving than God

[fbhjr]

At lunch today my wife and I were talking about some folks that we really
don’t like too much.
One of the things we both agreed really bothered us was that these people
showed no remorse at all for doing things that hurt us.
The folks we were specifically talking about are fairly small timers in
this department for me.  There are folks who have harmed my vastly more
than they have.  But, the principal is the same.

Should we forgive people who are not at all sorry they have hurt us?

Biblically it is fairly clear.  Repent of your sins, you will be forgiven.
If someone wrongs you and then repents, you forgive them.  Even if they do
it again, as long as they repent again, forgive them.  Perhaps you could
question the earlier repenting if it keeps going on, but if the last one is
true, you forgive them.
So, God appears to require people to repent.

I have been told a fair number of times in my life that I shouldn’t have
the same requirement.  That if people come through my life and damage it, I
should just forgive them and let it go.  Even in one case for a person who
not only showed no sign of repentance for it, but was fairly public about
how they thought I deserved it.
With those folks, I have trouble forgiving.

I am not in any way say I’m seeking revenge, or even wishing bad things on
them.
I just want them to go away.
If they’re not sorry, the let them go on their way and not come back.

Maybe there are folks out there who can just “let it go” and be total
friends with people who have hurt them and not shown any remorse for it.
The counselor my wife and I used to see certainly seemed to think it was a
goal.  His shouting in my face it was what I was supposed to be doing is
one of the reasons I refused to go back to him any more.

It is also a different thing if they don’t know they’ve hurt you.  In that
case, if you don’t let them know, then you can’t expect them to be sorry.
But, for people who know they’ve hurt you and are not sorry?
No I’m not up for that.  Maybe it is a failing in me, maybe not.

But, if God needs people to repent for what they did,  I think it is unfair
to expect better than that from me.

Comments

[chris-warrior.livejournal.com]

for me... it depends on the hurt... how easy it is to forgive.

i have to say though, from harsh experience, the true gift in forgiving has nothing to do with the jerk who hurt you, and everything to do with you. it's truly amazing how heavy grudges get.

this does not mean, however, i forgive and forget. the latter thing is far harder for me. i also have a small issue in that i don't always let people know when they've hurt me, and THAT was has come back to bite me in the ass again and again. i think because i'm worried that they won't care they did it, and that will make it all feel somehow worse. :( i do also think a component of it is a translation from the physical/martial; if you let someone know they've hurt you, they could repeat the action, scoring yet again. i'm dealing with SO MUCH on this front in my own life.

i also don't think anyone else can tell you how you should or shouldn't forgive. IMHO, it's very much a person's own choice, and evolves quite a bit as that person experiences all types of hurt.

[ravena-kade.livejournal.com]

Chris is right about no one can tell you how you should forgive. The therapist should only be concerned if not forgiving is holding you back, hurting you, or preventing you to grow. If you can walk away from what ever it was, then that is the important part.

[brickhousewench.livejournal.com]

But, for people who know they’ve hurt you and are not sorry?
No I’m not up for that.

Me neither. If someone knows they hurt you, and they don't care? Well, that shows a certain lack of empathy at the very least, an actively evil personality at the worst.

And your former counselor sounds like someone I wouldn't have stayed with either. There's no rule that you have to forgive everyone who ever hurt you. Could it be better for your mental health to let go of hurts rather than hold onto them? Possibly. But that's not an absolute requirement to be a healthy individual. The fact that your counselor let himself get hot under the collar about it would have made me walk out the door too. In that profession, patience is a virtue.

[cissa.livejournal.com]

It is arguably heretical to demand that we forgive people who have not repented, since God requires repentance for forgiveness, and not to do that would be setting us up as more forgiving than God- which is heretical.

Personally, I'm a pagan (raised Christian, though), and don't see that forgiveness is all that relevant.