The Big 60

[fbhjr]

My sister Anne turns 60 today. (Just over an hour from now as I write
this.)
Growing up she was the only person in my family I ever looked forward to
seeing, and always missed when she left. (Maybe because from the age of 4
onward I never saw her for more than 2 weeks at a time. Hard to say.)
A good percentage of the things I really enjoy in life are things she
introduced me to. (Star Trek, Doctor Who & science fiction in general, Lord of the
Rings, modern music.)
My direction sense and ability to find things developed from escorting her
to shopping malls from the time I was 4. (My sister has zero sense of
direction. She has, quite literally, gotten lost on a bus. {OK, that’s a
bit unfair of me. She didn’t get lost finding a seat or anything. The bus
she was on went one street over from where it usually does due to
construction and she had to ask the driver where to get off. You only
realize how bad that is if you know that the streets in her city are
sequentially numbered. So, it was still “if you live on 1st street ma’am,
that’s where you should get off.”} So, if she wanted to go somewhere,
someone had to go with her and show her how to get there and back. Even at
4 I could lead her to the places she wanted to go.)
Most importantly, she showed me it was OK to be different. That I could do
things I wanted and not just walk the line my parents set out for me.
Without that example in my life I don’t know where I would have ended up.
Hopefully not like my younger brother. But, I doubt it would have been a
better place then I’m in now.
Sadly I haven’t seen her in almost 15 years, or talked with her in almost
14.
It is somewhat strange because when I last talked with her, she was the age
her mother was when she died. It’s almost like my father lost his first
wife, and I lost my sister when those women were that age.
I do very much miss my sister and wish she was part of my life. People
whose opinion I value very highly have told me that if she wants to go off
and start her own life, I should honor that and not tie her back to what
she wanted to get away from. And, knowing what she went through with her
parents, I do not begrudge her wanting to get away from it. I just wish I
wasn’t bundled up with it for her, but understand why I am.
I did send her flowers.
I feel guilty about that. About reminding her of what she’s tried to move
past. But, it’s her 60th birthday. Her mother died at 45. 60 should be
celebrated. She can throw out the card, or not read it if she doesn’t want
to. But, I hope she’s happy to be alive. I’m happy she’s alive. And, I
wish her a Very Happy Birthday.

Comments

[temperlj.livejournal.com]

Still think you did the right thing.

[zosh.livejournal.com]

Anne has a kind face. Don't feel guilty, you sent them with only the best intentions and from your heart.

On a different note, I do think it's interesting (in the bottom picture) that you and H are looking in a differnet direction than Teddy and Anne.

[fbhjr.livejournal.com]

I had looked for a better picture. But, pictures of her are very rare, and pictures of us together even more so. This was the only one I could find with my father's three kids that wasn't from the 60's.
It was taken at our wedding back in 93. The different directions of looks are because there were about a dozen people taking pictures of us at the time, each calling to look at them.

[palusbuteo.livejournal.com]

I think you did the right thing, she IS your sister, even if the two of you may have grown apart over the years, there is still a bond deep deep down.

Does she know how much she has done for you? Have you ever told her that? Maybe you should give her a call and say so.

Zosh is right - intention from the heart, noone can "fault" you for that.

[fbhjr.livejournal.com]

Her phone has been off of the hook since somewhere around 1981.
I assume she hangs it up long enough to make any call she needs, then takes it back off.
I've tried calling. I've tried writing. I've have tried telling her.
There are issues.

[mariness.livejournal.com]

I don't know if you remember this or not, but for awhile there we lived only a half hour away from us, and she didn't want to talk or see us.

The first and last time I met her was at your wedding. My mother still sends Xmas cards.

[fbhjr.livejournal.com]

Yeah.
I could explain that, but it would take a long time...
I honestly don't think she would understand any reason why she should have talked, visited, or even wanted to.

She did speak very highly of you and told me how much she enjoyed your visit with her on the beach back in 93. You made quite the impression. Perhaps if that had come first, there might have been more contact if you lived near her.

[morgan-lafaye.livejournal.com]

You did the right thing, for the right reasons. Deep down if what you have said of her is true she thanks you. Hopefully one day you'll be able to speak to one another again.