In the town of Salem...

[fbhjr]

I hate Salem. I know there are people who really love it. Not me.
And, to be fair, Salem hates me back.

That was where, when performing for a children's fundraiser, I tore my pants in half while being video taped.
It’s where, when performing at a haunted house, I really started to think I had been sucked into hell.
It is where the burger place could not make me a burger without cheese. Even though on the third try I scraped it off in front of them and threw it on the counter. The fourth try still had cheese.
It is, to date, the only city I every spontaneously made up a song about hating. (It was the split pants day.)

Last night was no exception. My wife and I were both singing my "In the Town of Salem" song.

First, getting to Tom’s wedding rehearsal the Google instructions sent us to the post office one major road over from the church. To be fair, the post office did look like a church. But, the road wasn’t even the right name.
Then getting to the restaurant.

The directions, from Google, said go out, turn left, follow the road, turn left, then left again.
It completely left out turning left on a major road to get to that second left.
So, we came to where the road ended, and the name of the road was not where it said to turn left.

Now, Salem appears to have burnt its street signs in support of local witches. We had driven through an intersection where three roads come together and there was only one sign. The sign said “Downtown this way”, not what any of the roads where.

I actually thought I knew where we were going. But, when I turned down the road I thought it was it said it was “Brown street”.
“We want Church,” I said. “I guess I was wrong about where we’re going.”

“We’re after church street,” I said. “I bet that’s one of the roads downtown with a big church on it.”

But, it’s an old New England city. One once gripped by such religious fever that they started accusing everyone of being witches.
So, there’s a big church on EVERY road downtown.

So, I started aiming for steeples.
“Let’s go to that one over there! We haven’t done that one!”

So, we circled around again. And, again. And, again.
Finally, we spotted Church street and turned down it.
Two blocks down, it changes name to Brown street.
Salem hates me.

The good news is, when we got there, everyone else was just getting out of their cars too.
Ron, the best man, said “I thought I knew where I was going, but the street name didn’t match and I ended up driving around in circles.”
“I know just that feeling,” I said.

The restaurant is the same place where the reception will be today. So, after dinner, Tom asked us to help carry some stuff in for the reception.
“Let’s go grab my car and bring it around.” he said.
Tom used to live in Salem. When I met him he spent every weekend at that haunted house about 1/2 mile from where we were.

We circled the place three times trying to get back onto Church street.

I’m wondering if today someone should wait at the post office and direct people...

Comments

[malterre.livejournal.com]

The Peabody Essex and the Parking garage, fine.
The rest?
*raspberry*

[palusbuteo.livejournal.com]

*nodsnods* It is really insanely bizarre how fast you get lost.

Tim and I had the same problem, going in circles, no references or idea on direction, ending up on roads across the roads we Wanted to be on

And...The Most Insane Drivers Ever

We almost got creamed by no less than 5 people going INTO Salem that morning, and Tim nearly got run over from behind from some punkass kid in an SUV when he came to pick me up after Pioneer Village to go to the church...I saw the whole thing unfold from the parkinglot...And that sparked some "Save Blood-Brother" sort of vibes.

To be fair, Beverly, where the Church was in, is NO better than Salem...You and Malterre drove circles around Salem right next to the Lyceum but nonthewiser, Tim and I drove around the Church in Beverly nonthewiser for 15 minutes in Beverly.

I do know for the most part how to get to the big garage at the Cinema and PEM...From there, thankfully, a majority of Salem places are within walking distance....

And driving OUT of Salem...Yup, good luck with that.

We ended up going past the church on 1A and then had to follow it to 128 and home, 4 exits north of the one for Salem when we came in that morning.

IN...SANE.

I don't like Salem either.

[evrgreen.livejournal.com]

And I have only been there about 3X in the past 15 years..

I think that they've designed the town to be best navigated on broomstick.
If one went into town in Harry Potter mode it would probably make perfect sense from an aerial perspective..