Existential question
Feb. 14th, 2009 10:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fbhjrStanding in a janitorial closet, in the dark, in a store bought Darth Vader outfit, waiting to go do a lightsaber fight with my wife in an attempt to impress some 5-9 year olds after driving 300 miles to get there I had to ask myself a question...
Back, 30 years ago, when I was deciding what to do with my life, is this really how I had expected I would be spending my Valentines day when I was 45?
No, I never thought I’d be this lucky.
I bought that Darth Vader helmet 30 years ago.
That 15 year old kid was making Star Wars take off movies in his basement. He was sword fighting his brother with tent poles in the back yard.
Tomorrow is the 6th anniversary of when my wife and I lost our unborn child, and our last chance at having a child of our own. I’m afraid I think more of that this time of year then red hearts.
But, we have friends who let us be part of their children’s growing up. We have friends who help us create a group to do fun things that make kids say “Uncle Frank, will you and Aunt Holly come and give me a birthday party?”
I have a wife who will stand by my side and say “Let’s give him a good one!”
We don’t have a lot of the “traditional” things.
No house. No white picket fence. No kids.
But, if that 15 year old me saw me standing in that closet getting ready to jump out at the kids party, I’m pretty sure he’d have said “Wow! You’ve got those really high end lightsabers! That is so cool.”
I’m OK with that.
Back, 30 years ago, when I was deciding what to do with my life, is this really how I had expected I would be spending my Valentines day when I was 45?
No, I never thought I’d be this lucky.
I bought that Darth Vader helmet 30 years ago.
That 15 year old kid was making Star Wars take off movies in his basement. He was sword fighting his brother with tent poles in the back yard.
Tomorrow is the 6th anniversary of when my wife and I lost our unborn child, and our last chance at having a child of our own. I’m afraid I think more of that this time of year then red hearts.
But, we have friends who let us be part of their children’s growing up. We have friends who help us create a group to do fun things that make kids say “Uncle Frank, will you and Aunt Holly come and give me a birthday party?”
I have a wife who will stand by my side and say “Let’s give him a good one!”
We don’t have a lot of the “traditional” things.
No house. No white picket fence. No kids.
But, if that 15 year old me saw me standing in that closet getting ready to jump out at the kids party, I’m pretty sure he’d have said “Wow! You’ve got those really high end lightsabers! That is so cool.”
I’m OK with that.
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no subject
Date: 2009-02-15 04:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-15 11:11 pm (UTC)yeah I'd love to have you for an uncle to give me awesome bday lightsabre fights and toys that shoot things
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Date: 2009-02-15 09:52 pm (UTC)I mean - Holly had to protect all those kids!
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Date: 2009-02-15 11:14 pm (UTC)Not only did I lose, but the birthday boy and his sister helped drive me back to the darkness from whence I came. (The janitor's closet...)
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Date: 2009-02-16 03:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-16 01:46 pm (UTC)I also think it says a lot about both of you that you go to such lengths.
Obviously, the force is strong in you two. :-)