My worry

[fbhjr]

My friend Alan used to have a rule. If someone wouldn’t talk to him about
a problem, it must not be a big problem. And, he wouldn’t worry about it.
I’m worried other people might have a similar rule.
I don’t want anyone to be able to say “If he cared, he would have told me
it bothered him.”
As pointed out by several of you, my saying anything has the potential to
make things much, much worse. So, I haven’t said anything.
But, I’m afraid that silence could be taken as approval, disinterest,
apathy or consent.

So, I’m torn. Any communication could unleash an avalanche of bad. But,
am I making a mistake to not say “this does bother me, please don’t”?




The image doesn't have anything to do with my worries. I just like it.

Comments

[yebo.livejournal.com]

I think the presence of the elephant in the room is detectable, even if the elephant itself isn't.

I don't know if you are doing this, but setting the elephant aside, there are probably other issues (lets call them elephant leavings, but some may be completely unrelated to the elephant - that bannana peel the cheeky monkey left, for example) that can be cleaned up while the elephant takes care of itself for another month....

[fbhjr.livejournal.com]

I know there are other issues. I am not in any way saying there aren’t.
I’m doing my best to work on them.

But, remember back at the old heights. Once people show up to visit, it’s a lot harder to get them back out of the house. If you never let them in, they go off somewhere else.

There were a few who would sit on the steps and wait for you to come home. Those are the ones you had to say “no party tonight, off you go” or they’d continue to wait.

Last week I found he’s waiting on the steps. I had hoped he’d wandered off. But, he hasn’t.

I have a ton of work to do inside the house. That has been true, and still is.
But, do I have to tell him to get off the steps?

[fbhjr.livejournal.com]

The issue is my wife has not decided yet what she wants in our relationship.
So, it’s all well and good to say “ignore the elephant and work on more
important stuff”.
But, I don’t have the list of important stuff to work on. And, I can’t
pretend the elephant isn’t sitting there.
What we had broke down. And, both of us are to blame for that.
But, I can’t repair it until I know what she’s looking for.

My car has 212,000 miles on it. I like it. But, it doesn’t run like it
used to. There are holes in the seats, burn marks, soot marks and the
remains of many trips with the sword troupe in addition to my normal
commuting in it.
If it breaks down I have to say “Is it worth fixing it, or should I just
get a new one?”
And, that’s where we are.

I’ve been trying to repair what I can, hoping I’m not going to turn out to
be wasting that if I’m told “nope, new one it is.”
I want to repair it. If we both do, I think it can be better than it was.
I don’t mean it will be fixed forever. But, with regular maintenance, it
can go for a lot longer.
But, I can’t do it alone.

What annoys me most is that from my perspective, there’s a car dealer
waving his “low, finance rates” at her while I’m trying to get her to
decide.

[zemanel.livejournal.com]

Meh, as long as the reason you're holding on to the non-functional car isn't because you don't want to go through the trouble of finding a new functioning vehicle, especially since if something is non-functional continuing to make repairs gets much more expensive in the long term.

Last time I had to replace a vehicle it was going to cost me a lot in immediate costs to the mechanic, financing a new car costs more in the long term, but the monthly costs are affordable and you actually get extra money if you sell the old car on Craigslist or somesuch, money which you can use for immediate expenses or set aside to make some of the payments on the new car.

Not to mention that interest rates are pretty low right now.

Your car, so you make that call, just don't make it because you're afraid of the new car lot.