Better days

[fbhjr]

I’ve been feeling very sad lately.
I find it harder and harder to believe my marriage is going to survive.
Holly came back. I’m very, very happy she did. But, I don’t see how that will last.
I don’t see how I can keep her happy. I don’t see how I can keep her satisfied.
She’s said that leaving me the first time will make it easier to leave me again if she decides to.
She's got another man waiting who is more exciting and sexier than I am. He's kind to her where I'm an emotional assault to her every day.
I’m very afraid that any day she’s going to say “this isn’t worth it” and leave forever.
And, I don’t see anything I have to offer to stop that from happening.
Everything I’d like to count for reasons for her to stay she has already said weren’t enough when she left the first time.
One of these days I’m going to come home and find a note on my TV again.
And, that time she won’t come back.
I want to stop that from happening.
But, I haven’t a clue how to do it.

Comments

[morgan-lafaye.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry. I know that doesn't help but I am. I'd say more but here isn't the place. Just know you have friends who love ya.

[fbhjr.livejournal.com]

Any support is better than no support. It's good to know you're there.

[perrin-o-ravnos.livejournal.com]

Perhaps she should attempt to add reasons to your list? A relationship is a team effort, if only one person is shouldering the load "as it were" then perhaps its time the other picked up some slack. As always big guy I'll lend ya some support.

[fbhjr.livejournal.com]

I appreciate the support.
She does do things. And, has been saying some more things lately, which has been very nice.
But, it isn't a party for her these days at home.
I'm sad, insecure and upset most of the time.
I'd love to be fun, strong and happy.
If I was, then I'd say "of course she'd want to stay with someone fun, strong and happy".
But, the fact that I'm not makes it less likely she'll want to stay, which makes me sadder, more insecure and more upset.
I need to break that loop. Time would break it. If I see she does want to stay, it will make me less worried about it. But, in 24 days her fun, exciting and happy guy is back in her life. So, I don't have much time and I don't know how to break it before then.