Sound track to old nightmares…
Jul. 23rd, 2020 09:38 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
The Doctor Who theme for the last two years has disturbed me. Especially the start of it that is very low:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7lUz0xU5d9gz
I’ve been trying to figure out why.
Every time I’ve heard it, it has made my head whip around and look towards the noise like something frightening was there. Then, it changes over to the more traditional version of the song and I relax.
I’m afraid my brain’s method of sorting is not overly efficient. So in the two years since I first heard this version and experienced that, I’ve been going back through my memories trying to match the sound to something.
Finally, I remembered a reoccurring dream I used to have when I was in kindergarten and first grade. So, 4 to 5 years old.
The only reason I remember this dream is because I used to have it frequently and would often wake up screaming when I did. I was also very prone to sleepwalking when young, and that often tied into dreams like this too.
In the dream I was in a mostly empty factory of some kind. Along the walls was a walkway above the floor of the factory.
At the far end of the factory was a dimly lit, pulsing object that filled the entire end of the building.
People I can not get a good look at are dragging me down the walkway towards the pulsing object.
As we get closer, I can see it was a giant brain, pulsating in time with my heart beat.
Closer still and it looks like the folds of the brain might be made of excrement.
I struggle with the people dragging me along, but there are several of them and they are much stronger than I am.
We reach the end of the walkway and they throw me into the folds of the pulsing brain.
Those dreams are more than half a century behind me now. But, I’ve never forgotten them.
I remember that when a first read "Wrinkle in Time" a few years later, I had a strong recognition of what they were fighting against. Maybe that’s why I’ve always felt a strong tie to that book.
I remember my main thought when I read that book was "It can be beat; you can get away from it".
And, having examined this, I find it very appropriate that Doctor Who pushes these emotional buttons for me.
It scares me with a childhood fear that gives me a very strong reaction and then cuts over to the regular Doctor Who theme.
So, it makes my emotions snap over to "It’s OK, the Doctor is here."
It’s hard for me to explain how deep these buttons it presses go.
It’s taken me more than a month of thinking about it to even be able to write this much of it up.
I never understood those dreams. And, it is very strange to me to be triggered by them so many decades later.