My father’s cousin

[fbhjr]

One of my cousins let me know last night that my father’s cousin Van had
died. He was my father’s mother’s brother’s son.
I didn’t know him very well. But, the very limited meetings I had with him
in my life made a huge impression on me.

He is responsible for the single most amazing memory of my youth. (I know
I’ve told this story before, but can’t find where. So, I’m repeating it.)

When I was somewhere between 8 and 10 years old I was playing by myself in
the front yard of our house. No idea where my brother was as he rarely
left me alone. But, that day it was just me.
As I played there a very large car drove up our street. It pulled to a
stop in front of our house and a man got out.
“You must be Frank,” he said to me. “I’ve got something for you.”
He went to the trunk of his car, opened it, and took out a large metal box.
He put it down on the ground in front of me and opened it. It was full of
antique electric trains.
“These are for you,” he said. “You go play. I’ve got to talk to your
father.”
He then walked across the yard, up the stairs and into the house without
ringing the door bell or knocking.

I really have no words to describe the effect that had on me back then. To
say I was stunned is like saying the surface of the sun can be a bit warm.
I had been taught not to talk to strangers. But, no talking on my part
occurred.
It really was like I had been given proof that Santa Claus was real, drove
a green Cadillac and was friends with my dad.

He didn’t stay long. No explanations were given.
After he left my father just said “That was Van”.

I saw him again at a family reunion about 10 years after that. We didn’t
visit much. My wife and I spent more time talking with his wife. She gave
us the rules to use for traveling that we still use today:
1) Sit when you can
2) Eat when it is offered
3) Never pass up a chance to go to the bathroom
Good rules.

We invited him and his wife to our wedding. They attended. We got married
at a castle and invited people who felt like it to dress in costume. Van
and his wife did.


My mother actually got mad about that. She thought they shouldn’t have
dressed as royalty as they were upstaging us.
My wife and I did not feel that way. If anything the opposite. When we
were inviting people to our wedding we assigned them all sorts of titles
based on our relationship with them. We took none for ourselves. We were
just two people getting married.
The fact they came to the wedding, and joined in the fun of dressing up was
priceless.
And, the fact it was Van kept alive the magic he had brought into my life
20 years before my wedding.

My cousins knew him much better than I did. I learned more about him from
them than from my father or Van himself. (Like how he was mad when he had
to give up downhill skiing when he was in his 80’s.)

I don’t think I’ve seen him since our wedding 22 year ago. He might have
been at my father’s funeral 15 years ago. Or, my father’s sister’s funeral
14 years ago. But, if so, I don’t remember it. (Sadly, rage at my mother
is most of what I remember from my father’s…)

So, I can’t say his passing will have a big impact on my life.
But, I am still very sad to see him go.
He set the bar high for magical childhood moments. And, that will not be
forgotten by me.
(My father’s other cousin set the bar for calm in emergencies, but that’s
another story…)

This morning I lift my drink in memory of Van, my father’s cousin.
Thank you for the trains!