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[personal profile] conuly

What the hell sort of Star Trek have they even been watching all this time?

Florida Football: 1955

Sep. 25th, 2017 05:07 pm
[syndicated profile] shorpy_feed

Posted by Dave

December 1955. "Football game in Florida." Kodachrome transparency by Phillip Harrington for the Look magazine assignments "How It Looks From the South," "Florida's Prophets of Boom" and "What Is Florida?" View full size.

the hilarious world of depression

Sep. 25th, 2017 05:05 pm
[syndicated profile] wwdn_feed

Posted by Wil

I spoke with John Moe about my mental illness for his podcast, The Hilarious World of Depression:

Wil Wheaton was a child star in Stand By Me, a regular on Star Trek: The Next Generation as a teenager, and has been trying to figure out his role in show business for a long time since then. He was dealing with the pressures of fame and the fickle tastes of Hollywood, all while dealing with a chemical imbalance in his brain that made him prone to anxiety and depression. Wil’s better now thanks to medication, but despite his long IMDb page and regular work on The Big Bang Theory, his hit YouTube show, and a thriving and varied career, he sees himself primarily as a failed actor.

It’s a good show, as they say. Go give it a listen.

[syndicated profile] theherbshed_feed

Posted by {Blessings} Raven

| monday |

good morning

What an amazing weekend!

Fairying at it's best in a new venue...
so beautiful and lovely- tucked into the countryside.

It was hot, yes.
The warmest I have ever encountered while performing.
{ and I have been doing this a long while }
The cast, crew, indies, vendors, artists and merchants 
all came together to keep one another well while being 
exceedingly professional entertaining the crowds and leaving
them with huge smiles.


I am so happy that it was filled with light and positivity .

As you know...the company works: hence the Viking works
6 days a week.

For me to schedule events throughout the year, it has to be weighed
between my small farm life, supporting the company life
while keeping our home allergy free {-ish} & preparing nourishing meals
to help keep us healthy TO work.
My charity events & family time also weigh into this calculation.

Most of us could not  make a living doing this,
 it is just one piece of our puzzle.
We do it because we love it, it is a calling...truly.
This event is worth it...

I love this saying above.

Do you strike a balance in your life?

In addition to feeding your body...filling your soul with happiness
is also  needed to become a health filled human being.

Speaking of which...

Have you looked at your market list now that
the season has changed?
[ and ....when was the last time that you actually cleaned out that appliance?]
Just an FYI, 'cuz I just had to! ~ scary!!!

My usual list:

All things local and seasonal
as far as produce.
Healthy proteins next.
Hard cheeses- so many seasonal ones!
{ just picked up a hayflower cheese and a ginger/orange cheddar }
whole grains
dairy items
 I add what is needed to address our specific needs.
this week: 

hydration- for me
immune boosting- because... people.
allergy season- raw, local honey

for the big guy- low purine foods

I make a list then search for recipes can make for meals
that use those ingredients.

It is not lost on me that the growing season is slowly coming to an end.
I have frozen berries and some herbs but need to up my game 
when it comes to the last of the melons, corn, tomatoes and squash.

Fall veggies are starting & I can not keep myself from stuffing my bins with them...

Hoping all of these fresh photos inspire you to shop local farm markets first.

And when you do go to a shop, shop the perimeter.
If you can reduce the amount of prepared foods that you consume, I promise
you will feel & look better .

Below is a very old recipe that my mom would make this time of year
so it would be ready for Thanksgiving .
A big thanks to Eleanor Petersen for putting it to paper.

 Have a great week ahead kittens.

count those blessings...

xxx ooo


Beach Craft: 1941

Sep. 25th, 2017 03:30 pm
[syndicated profile] shorpy_feed

Posted by Dave

January 1941. "Guest of Sarasota, Florida, trailer park at the beach with her family." Medium format negative by Marion Post Wolcott. View full size.
[syndicated profile] captainawkward_feed

Posted by JenniferP

Dear Captain,

A few months ago, I met a cute new person and we clicked pretty well from the start. We both had another primary partner at the time and we often talked about those relationships as well as (of course) many other things. After a while, he and his primary broke up, and he was pretty devastated by it. I didn’t mind that he was a bit more “down” when we spent time together, and it seemed only natural to me that he talked about his break-up feelings sometimes. I still don’t mind those things.

Now here comes the difficult part: I feel like this relationship is getting more and more asymmetrical. I’m busy with a demanding job and an active social life (and I like it that way), and he has a lot of time on his hands. He has made it clear that he’d prefer to spend much more time together than we currently do (including weekend trips and the like), while from my perspective we’re close to “too much”. He is way ahead of me with things like “I love you” (WAY too early for me!). I feel like I have to be “on” at all times when we’re together, because he always seems worried that I’m not being enthusiastic enough and something must be wrong and don’t you like me anymore?

He’s had a bunch of personal issues come up lately, and he’s generally pretty unhappy right now. I find it really hard to find a balance between being kind to a person I like, and setting some “don’t make me responsible for your happiness!”-boundaries. I understand anxiety and sadness and insecurity, because I deal with plenty of that in my own life, but it feels like he’s subconsciously weaponizing these things to demand my time and attention. He often says things like:

  • “you’re the only good thing in my life right now”
  • “I feel like everyone is rejecting/leaving me lately”
  • “I’m not doing so well,
    Please view this post in your web browser to complete the quiz.
    , can I come by tonight? I need comfort”
  • “I’m dealing with so much shit that I can’t carry it on my own”
  • “You give me so much strength when we spend time together”

I really like this guy! We have a lot in common and we’ve had fun times together. I would love to see him once or twice a month for many moons to come, and for us to grow closer over time, but right now I feel like I’m under siege and I have to focus on setting boundaries and finding new ways to say “no” all the time and it’s starting to suck the joy out of what (I hope) could be a genuinely fun and rewarding relationship – through good times and bad.

Can I salvage this? How can I communicate with him in a way that does NOT say “I can’t handle people who have negative emotions ever”, but rather “it feels like you’re using your emotions against me and that’s not cool”?

Thank you!

You’re absolutely right to see a litany of “you’re the only good thing in my life” and “everyone else is rejecting me (so you won’t, won’t you?)” statements as being red flags of codependence. I’m not sure the end result of my advice is “fun new relationship is salvaged!” but I think you do have a good opening here to have an honest talk with him about getting help in handling hard life stuff and the reciprocity & seriousness of your relationship.

There are two separate conversations to be had here. I’m not sure in which order, so, use your judgment.

Conversation #1:

[Partner], I can see that you’re really suffering right now as you [grieve the loss of primary relationship][handle this recent raft of difficult life stuff]. I’m feeling overwhelmed by it all and I think it’s time to find some more support for this stuff. Maybe a trained sounding board – like a therapist or counselor – can help you process all of this.

There is a 99.99% chance he will feel insulted and hurt that you are fobbing him off on other people instead of investing deeply in his emotional well-being yourself. Get ready for some intenso responses involving “You are tired of me and you are going to reject me like everyone else” + 1,000 reasons that therapy/counseling is impossible/useless/too hard for him. This is because:

  • He is primed to feel rejected right now. Everything that isn’t “I love you come over right now and let me comfort you my dear boy” = rejection.
  • You are sending him to other people instead of wanting to deal with it yourself. (That’s okay! Just, acknowledge the truth of that so you don’t fall for the negging when it comes).
  • Mental health system is imperfect and it does take a lot of resources and energy to find a good fit and treatment that can work for you. It’s a hard thing to do when you’re feeling great, never mind when you’re feeling terrible. It’s okay to acknowledge the imperfections in the mental health system and also remind yourself that those difficulties don’t automatically make his emotional well-being your sole problem to deal with on demand in real time.

Follow-up script:

I know this sucks and that’s not what you wanted to hear. You’re right, I am telling you that you need to find other people besides me to lean on, and you’re right, the mental health system can be really difficult/annoying/expensive. But I am not comfortable or prepared to continue being your main sounding board about this stuff. I think your problems are real and serious and that taking them seriously might involve bringing in a trained listening person for a little while. Think of it as giving yourself the gift of a safe space to unload and process all of this that’s 100% focused on you, a little time in your week where you have permission to feel as sad and lost as you need to feel and get all the feelings out so you can start to heal and deal with them.

Get ready for a question like “So I guess I’m not allowed to talk about serious stuff or feelings with you anymore?” (It’s 99.99% coming)

Your script: “That’s not what I’m saying, but I am saying that I don’t want the time we spend together to be all about [Serious Feelings Stuff and Comfort]. I am asking you to find and take advantage of some alternate avenues for support and comfort, so things with us can be a little more balanced than they have been.

Chances are he will not like it. He likes his comfort to come with a side of romance/sexytimes and whyyyyy should he make an effort to find a therapist when he has youuuu? But you’re doing a kind thing by being honest about your limits and directing him toward something that actually has a chance of making him feel better.

Conversation #2 

Sometimes the answer to “I had a terrible day, can I come over and be comforted” is simply “Sorry, not tonight.” And then you put your phone away and focus on what you originally planned to do and he finds a way to self-soothe somehow. If he deals with that well, then maybe it can get better.

That doesn’t mean there is no big conversation to be had. He wants to say “I love you” and plan weekends away and remind you that you’re the only great thing in his life and it’s making you feel crowded and overwhelmed. Time to talk about that. Maybe time to also talk honestly about the way you do polyamory, like the fact that you have someone in your life that you consider to be a primary partner and that there is a hierarchy there maybe not of feelings but in terms of how you allocate time/vacation days/long-term relationship planning, etc. It seems like your relationship really worked when he had that in place too but now things have become unbalanced. This conversation might mean that y’all create something new together over time or it might mean that he and you find out that are unsuited to each other.

The thing where he wants you to be “on” and show that you are sufficiently enthusiastic seems to be the best entry point for this conversation, as in, the next time he makes you you feel that way it’s time to talk about what’s up: “Listen, I like you a lot, and I like you enough that I can make space for you to be sad and grieving right now but that also means that you make space for me being tired or having an off night or for not exactly mirroring your enthusiasm back to you. For example, we’ve only known each other a short time and I’m not ready for ‘I love you’ yet. I would love to get there someday but I need more time. When you say ‘I’m the only good thing in your life’ I know you mean it as a compliment but it feels like pressure. Also time we spend together is already about the maximum time I have to spend with you in a given week. Like of course it would be nice to spend ‘more time’ together, but I can’t do that without breaking other commitments that are pleasurable and important to me. I need you to understand that and focus on enjoying the time we do spend together.

Then, say the thing that’s the elephant in the room: “I feel like you want me to take the place of [Former Primary Partner] in your life, and that’s an okay thing for you to want on an emotional level, I get it, but it’s too much/not the right fit for me/not what I signed up for/making things unbalanced between us. I care about you a lot and I want to find a way to keep this going, so, how do we build something that is enjoyable and true and emotionally supportive without me feeling so pressured and you feeling so rejected?

He’s not going to like hearing this because it’s going to feed into the story he is telling himself about how everyone rejects him. Also there maybe is no balance between “Ideally we’d hang out once or twice a month, forever” and “LOVE ME!!!!!” But if you can’t talk honestly about this stuff and you keep feeling suffocated and overwhelmed, the thing is not going to work. “I’m at the limit of what I have to give you in terms of time and affection” isn’t what any romantic partner really wants to hear, but it’s important information if it’s the truth. The truth can hurt but it can also help us make good decisions about how to take care of ourselves. He may decide that what you have to offer is not enough for him. You may decide that what he wants is just not compatible with what you want and need. That would be painful, but I have to think that it’s better than letting him continue to build this fortress of need around you while you’re looking for the escape hatch.

Reminder for commenters: Spell out the whole word “polyamory” please.


Sep. 25th, 2017 08:32 am
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[personal profile] m_of_disguise
I am totally exhausted from this weekend. It was non-stop running around and cleaning. My German relatives get here in a couple of weeks for the wedding, so the "scrub everything because of guests" marathon has commenced. I packed up another shelf in the now-former sewing room, and boxed up all my trims and ribbons, then disassembled one of the wire shelves I had put up for the trims. After all that, the room barely looks any different. ~sighs~ There's a long way to go, but if I work on it a bit at a time, I should get there. I also managed a heavy scrubbing of the guest bathroom, as well as 8 loads of laundry, all of this on Saturday.

Saturday evening was the bridal shower that my sister's friends threw for her, which was really more of a "hey, lets all drink by the pool!" sort of affair. I stayed for a couple of hours before heading back home and doing more laundry.

Sunday was a cake day. I took the things I had packed up to the storage unit, hit the store for supplies, which was insane because Walmart on a weekend day is a hellhole, and came home and baked a sample cake for my sister's wedding cake. The sponge itself turned out great, but the icing was horrible. I hate buttercream, but it's what she requested. Thankfully, she didn't end up liking it, either, so I'm going to do another cake with fondant and mascarpone next weekend and see if that's better. We had a family dinner, then after everyone disbursed, I did more laundry. ~dies of laundry overdose~

Somewhere in there, I managed to squeeze in enough time to cut out the interfacing for M's waistcoat, and together one pocket flap. I'm really loving what the horsehair canvas is doing for the waistcoat! I have one side with me at work today for when it gets slow, so I can stitch the front interfacing in and maybe get the pocket bag done.

I tried to do a mockup of the bridesmaids dress on Saturday night, but for some reason it just would not cooperate. I ended up trashing three mockups before finally giving up. I finally gave in and looked for a pattern that I could butcher to get what I want, which I'm going to pick up after work tonight. I'll do another mockup once I'm home, so hopefully I can get it wrapped up fairly quickly after that. Ugh.

My sister has also totally checked out of wedding planning. I think she's become overwhelmed. She has never planned any event bigger than a backyard barbecue, so something like this is totally out of her wheelhouse. I managed to find most of what she doesn't have yet - linens, vases for floral arrangements, and dinnerware, so now it just needs to be ordered. This all should have been ordered long ago, and there's less than a month before the big day, so having it here on time is a big "maybe". Mom and I have basically taken over the rest of the planning since whenever we mention something she either says "I don't know" and changes the subject or she's all "yeah, that sounds good", which means she doesn't want to think about it. The next few weeks are going to be rough.
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Posted by The Frock Flicks Team

We know you’re all chomping at the bit for Outlander: Season 3 coverage from us! Well, we’re a bit behind because unfortunately none of us has Starz at the moment. And we’re not big players who get free screeners to review, so we have sort out a subscription (or three) and then catch up. Though... Read more →

The post Early Outlander Season 3 – Open Thread appeared first on Frock Flicks.

Mi Gusta: 1941

Sep. 25th, 2017 12:14 pm
[syndicated profile] shorpy_feed

Posted by Dave

January 1941. "Amish farmers from Pennsylvania near Sarasota, where they are observing Florida farming methods." Medium format negative by Marion Post Wolcott for the Farm Security Administration. View full size.

Temple Bar Returns

Sep. 25th, 2017 12:30 am
[syndicated profile] 2nerdyhistorygirls_feed

Posted by Loretta Chase

Loretta reports:

In Dukes Prefer Blondes, I mention Temple Bar, a gateway that stood where Fleet Street meets the Strand. Through it have passed, along with the usual traffic, monarchs dead and alive. On the main arch, on iron spikes, traitors’ heads were on display.

The structure still exists, as I set out to prove to my satisfaction during my stay in London, and this existence, to me, is a miracle. It is London’s only surviving gateway, and the story of its survival includes a trip to Hertfordshire.

Built in 1672, the time of King Charles II, it was taken down, stone by stone, in 1878, because it was in the way. It had for years obstructed traffic, and now it was hampering construction of the Royal Courts of Justice. Unlike other historical structures, though, Temple Bar was saved from complete destruction. The stones weren’t carried off and used to build something else. They were saved, in hopes of a restoration. Nobody quite worked out how to do this, though.
Then, ten years later, at his wife’s instigation, Sir Henry Meux bought the 400 tons of stone from the Corporation of London and rebuilt Temple Bar as a gateway into his estate at Theobalds Park in Hertfordshire. Apparently, it did the trick of enhancing Lady Meux’s social status, as she’d hoped: It’s believed that she dined in its upper chamber with, among other notables, the Prince of Wales and Winston Churchill.

Temple Bar remained at Theobolds Park until 2004, when it returned to London, to be reassembled, stone by stone, in Paternoster Square.

The History of Temple Bar site and the Wikipedia entry will offer you more details. I offer some pictures.

Clicking on the image will enlarge it.

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