Torn

[fbhjr]

As I sat at work yesterday, I realized that Saturday had been my brother’s
47th birthday and I had not done or sent him anything.
Now, a day later, I still haven’t.
And, I’m torn on if I should or should just ignore it and move on.
I haven’t done a quiz in a while, so what the hell:

[Poll #1872524]

Comments

[evrgreen.livejournal.com]

I will admit that I voted for (2) things - definitely don't get involved in his or your mother's mind games as it makes less sense than arguing with a completely drunk person.

But e-cards are really very low effort, and can be sent off without worrying that they will be received or read. In spite of all the difficulties in the intervening 4 decades, at one time, you were friendly brothers and it won't hurt to acknowledge that - both to your subconscious as well as the universe in general. Then you can go about your week without worry.

That's my $.02 anyway..

[m-danson.livejournal.com]

What do you want your relationship with your brother to be like?

[fbhjr.livejournal.com]

That's really hard to put into words.

I guess the closest I could say would be something like "when they do the A&E special on how he became a murderer I'd like if he didn't blame me on national television."
Or perhaps "some way to be sure I was out of range".
Maybe "that the mind games he plays have sprialed in so close around my mother that, like a black hole when it collapses, he won't be able to get out when she dies."

None of those really capture it corectly. But, its all I can come up with right now.

[m-danson.livejournal.com]

Given that, I'm confused as to why you are feeling torn. From what you described I would have guessed that "Forget about it. Move on. No contact." would have been an easy default choice.

[fbhjr.livejournal.com]

Ah, but would missing sending him something attract more attention than sending something?

[m-danson.livejournal.com]

What is important about attracting or not attracting his attention?

[fbhjr.livejournal.com]

Hassle. If he doesn't get what he wants he complaints to my mother who will begin to pester me.
There is little either can do now more than that. But, like black flies that swarm around your head, they can be annoying if not dangerous.

If my mother decides it is a problem she will then start telling my other relatives to talk to me about it. Again, nothing more than annoying. But, annoying.

My method of dealing with the two of them is to give them just enough to stay quiet. There is nothing I want from either, and nothing I desired to give either. But, I have found that giving a small amount makes it more quiet than trying for nothing at all.
But, I missed the "feeding time".
So, will a late feeding be worse than just skipping one?
That is what I am not sure of.

And, in the end, it is all how many of my mother's letters I must throw in the trash, if I need to shut off the ringer of my land line again and which aunts or cousins will bring it up.

[ravena-kade.livejournal.com]

a late feeding is better than no feeding...of course I only know from feeding pets...

[morgan-lafaye.livejournal.com]

I agree. Late feeding. Or the critters get bothersome.

[uawildcatgrl.livejournal.com]

Clearly I don't know all the facts of this relationship, and without having all the facts...can't even begin to make an educated guess! So...follow your heart!