I find these emails funny

[fbhjr]

I am Dr. Marc S {german sounding name} and I work for Global Vibration Inc.  in Washington DC  - I would like to speak with the person in charge of your international clientele. Who is my contact? Who should I speak to??

In fact, after visiting http://www.phoenixswords.com,  I have noticed that your website cannot be found on foreign search engines (I tested  it on Hispanic search engines, German search engines, Asian search engines,  etc.) Our company is specialized in multilingual search engine promotions in 28 languages . From the Japanese Google to the German Yahoo, from the AOL  in Spanish to the MSN in Chinese, we can show you how to develop a true international online presence by promoting your website on foreign search engines.

Let us show  you how to develop a presence on the multilingual web without having to  translate your website: It is not necessary to translate your website in  order to submit to foreign search engines, however, you need to have at least  1 page in Japanese optimized with Japanese keywords and meta tags in order to  submit to Japanese search engines, at least 1 page in Spanish optimized with  Spanish keywords in order to submit to Hispanic search engines and so  on...

I strongly suggest that you watch our online presentation which  will explains clearly how to get top rankings on foreign search engines with  only 1 entry page per language {removed, just in case}

From the Japanese Google to the German Yahoo, from the AOL  in Spanish to the MSN in Chinese, get users to find your website when  searching with YOUR KEYWORDS in their Native language.

Please call me at {his phone number} or email me and let's work on giving your website the true international exposure which it deserves to have with foreign native online users!! 

Regards, 

Marc S{german sounding name}, Ph.D.


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You know, I’m tempted to say that someone with a Ph.D. should be able to see that the site says we’re a performance group based out of central MA, and therefore might not worry about not getting bookings in Japan, Germany and such.
Not, mind you, that I wouldn’t love someone to say “we think your sword fighting is so good that we’re going to pay you to fly over to {any of those places} to put on a show for us.
But, I’m not convinced that there are folks who want that so badly they would pay the thousands and thousands of dollars for it, but would be stopped by an English language web site.
Maybe I’m wrong and throwing away millions of dollars and world travel, but somehow I doubt it.

Comments

[evrgreen.livejournal.com]

Vee can also help you with translations of your international TPS reports, ya ? From the silicon valley-slang to the Tokyo-techo-speak to the German Gobble-de-gook, vee have you covered for the low, low price, Ya! No longer will you have worries that your TPS reports are not clearly understood by masses of middle management in countries around the globe !

[morgan-lafaye.livejournal.com]

....But first we need your credit card, SS and home ,cell numbers,date of birth etc..:)

[cissa.livejournal.com]

Hee. I get those, too.

[fbhjr.livejournal.com]

This guy just sent me another email saying "I hope the first one didn't end up in your spam filter!"
It did.
As did this one...