I hate chicken

[fbhjr]

The fire shows we do have required fire department approval many times over the years. I’ve had our equipment inspected. Our procedures reviewed. Our fuels checked.
But, I have never had the problems I’ve had with the New Hampshire Fire Marshal.

This is the second year we’ve been scheduled to do a fire show at the Franklin New Hampshire Renaissance Faire.

Last year I spent three weeks trying to get an answer from this guy on what it would take to do the show.
Our show consists of people holding things that are on fire and swinging them around.
He required me to get a $3000 license for shooting explosives 200 meters into the air because "it’s basically the same thing".
I explained that they weren’t even close. The national fire code has procedures for both and they are completely different procedures.
We conform to the one for "fire dancing" and not the one for "pyrotechnic displays". Reading the introduction to each explains the difference quite clearly and we are very clearly under fire dancing. (Yes, I own copies of each.)
In seven states were I have needed to do formal fire plans, each was accepted as fire dancing and not pyrotechnics.
He said that the pyrotechnic was required and no show without it.
So, we did swords and kids acts and no fire.

This year, my wife found someone with the very expensive license who would oversee our show if we paid for her hotel room at the show. I gave her the $150 the next time I saw her.

But, surprise, surprise, that wasn’t enough.

He demanded a full run through of our fire show held at the location of the faire.
We agreed. The faire runs on a Saturday from 10AM to 10PM and our fire show is at 8PM. We have plenty of time to do a run through before the show. We told him we’d be there by 8AM to set up and he could see us any time after that.

But, surprise, surprise, that wasn’t enough.

He demanded that the demo be done during "normal business hours" on a weekday. He suggested Friday morning at 9AM.
I explained that all of my folks have day jobs and I could not afford to have them all take a day off from their jobs, and then pay for accommodations for them on an extra night just for this.
After all, we’re doing the show for free and I’ve already paid $150 for it.

I should also point out how very, very difficult it is to communicate with this person.
In two years of this, he has answered his office phone zero times.
You have to leave a message and then he calls you back from a blocked cellphone so you can’t call him back there.
And, he has never once called when I told him I was available. If I said "Call between 4:30 and 5:30", he calls at 6:00 and complains I am difficult to reach.
He doesn’t like to do email, I suspect because when he changes his requirements I call up his old email and quote it at him. I can’t do that with phone calls.

I offered to move my dress rehearsal to Tom’s house in New Hampshire and let him attend.
Or, do it that Friday night after everyone could get there after work.
Or, to video tape an entire show from start to finish and send him the video to review.

None were acceptable. He told me, by phone:
It MUST be at the performance site.
It MUST be in person.
It MUST be during business hours.

I told the faire organizer that as much as we liked her, her charity event and the cause for which she was raising money, we were not able to meet those requirements and would not do the fire show this year either.

Apparently hitting him with a little old lady is what this took.

He called me back, with the local fire chief on the line, saying:
He never said it had to be the whole show. (Got that in writing, liar.)
He could meet us at the faire site the weekend before as we said we’d be in New Hampshire anyhow.
He only had to see how we put the fuel on we don’t actually perform. (Again, contradicted by the one email he did send. Liar.)

Of course what I had told him was he could come to Tom’s house to see us. Not that we’d drive an hour and a half farther north for him. But, it MUST be on that final site.
I was happy to have the other fire guy on the line to act as a witness.
The other fire guy said things like:
Why does it have to be on the final field if they do their standard set up?
Why can’t we look at the video they have on line?
I’ll be there the day of the show, can’t I check this out for you?

I could tell the marshal was annoyed by that, but ah well, I didn’t mind.

We’ll see how all this works out. But, if they guy wants to stop us, he will.
I suspect what is missing is some other "extra fee" paid directly to the fire marshal office.
But, I don’t play those games.