The ceramic show is over and now the next things are the photography did for the Larp that chris_warrior is putting together in Charlton, Ma. I think I have to start looking for at least a sleeping bag as it is kind of camping. Will have to check on that. Will also try and get the Monday after off too.
I am happy I have a decent pattern down for the new photography software and I just have to work on increasing my proficiency with it. I need to test it out with the shelter cats this week. October is photography Month for me. It's a promise as the last few years I have not had an October......
The only other obligation is the craft show the week before Thanksgiving. I want to do bracelets this year along with ceramics... maybe ornaments.
Today my ceramics class starts up. the cousins came to the show and bought a lot so they have things to do. Not sure if they will have the persnickety aunt there today.
For my first time vending I made the booth cost and a bit more. So, okay for helping out the league since they were down vendors. Not enough made to really cover the amount of work I put in, but I can try and sell the items that I did not sell here in other places. I just have some painting to do
Funny thing...Dad made as much as I made by playing the lottery in the adjoining bar.
The chicken was sold before I could get out of my booth and purchase it. Oh well...not meant to be.
The vendors seemed happy with the one day show, but the gate was down 40 people. I am not sure if we covered the cost of the show... I should know in a week once the chair person does all the counts.
I thought of a few ways to improve a raffle we do, but no one was really interested. It makes me sad that no one wants better. The same old same old is why we can't grow.
I will toddle on and try to grow my clay art/craft as I can.
One thing that is a pain is that the highway department decided to remove a bridge the weekend and there are highway detours.
Good news is that the flea market lady has nothing that anyone else has... and has electrical supplies that most of the vendors want...so yay. She has a giant chicken cookie jar ...or maybe it was a touring...that I just WANT to paint. Do I need giant ceramic chicken?
Someone has a small Santa with roses. I may pick up a couple to give as presents. Yellow Roses were my Mom's favorite... so I will paint the Santa with that...and while my relatives won't get it, I will. It hurts that no one remembers Ma... but she did walk away from people so I can't expect anything. Yeah...last night was a rough night in dream land.
Planning plans... and planning to be on point today...
Happiness is Cassie headbutting me.
Happiness is an armful of purring kitty.
I think the signs look good for this batch of kitties to be good and socialized as lap cats by the time winter sets in.
Cats kept me up last night, so I started out having a two dwarf morning (Sleepy and Grumpy). And I had to get up early because I had a doctor’s appointment. When I was showing off my scratch from last week’s visit to the vet, that prompted my doctor to check when the last time I had a tetanus shot was, and I was due (just in case someone decides to bite me, puncture wounds and all that). So I got a tetanus shot this morning before I’d even had breakfast. And (joy!) she finally remembered that I’m old enough to have that first colonoscopy. So that’s on my To Do list once faire is over (No way I’m going without food for a day or two until faire is over). Let’s just say that I’m not particularly looking forward to the procedure. Mostly because I will need to somehow find someone to give me a ride. Hey fionaniconnor I might need to book you for a ride to the doctor in a couple of weeks.
Work was work. I had lunch with my cube-neighbor Chris. It’s been a bit since we had a good long chat. And I got volunteered to be a scrumbag, er, I mean scrummaster for my team’s pilot agile project. Mostly because I mentioned that I’d done agile before (at like my last six jobs). I just may be the only person on my team with any agile experience. So that’s going to be interesting.
But right now I’m bushed. And I need to get some sleep tonight for our first meeting tomorrow.
Jose is pounding the house at the Moment. I wanted to go play in Rockport, but the wether is not stellar so I bet the little art places don't even open. I wanted to go to the Aquarium, but we have 37 MPH wind gust happening even 5 to 10 minutes so it is not pleasant to walk. I am thinking of starting my chores and then seeing if things clear off around lunch. Maybe go shopping. Right now a cheeky cat is enjoying my company.
And it looks like Jose may hang around Boston up to Saturday... Hopefully it is not too rainy Saturday as rain does keep people away from the show since many are elders.
And then I made a post last Friday to my alumni group on Facebook that ended up generating over 500 comments. O_O So that sucked up a bunch of my time Friday and Monday, getting caught up on all the shenanigans related to that. Which included someone blogging about the thread and misquoting a bunch of people. Leading to a second thread, this one about the people upset about being misquoted and wanting the forum moderator to ban the blogger. And then the forum moderator private messaged me, because the third-party tool that he uses to help manage the community wasn’t working, and did I have “App, Websites, and Plug-ins” disabled on my Facebook account? You bet your bippy I do. And the fact that his tool was failing to see a public post because I said I didn’t want to share non-public data about myself? Proves that having that setting set to NOPE was the right choice. Why would his app/tool need to access any non-public information about me to gather stats on a public post?
At any rate, the time spent on that was time I probably should have been spending on other things. Like sleeping or loving on my kitties or working on projects for faire.
Or getting caught up on my reading. I can’t remember the last time I had time to read Live Journal. And I’m at least a week behind on Dreamwidth. I haven’t been reading the New York Times (but that’s partly by choice, I’m a bit exhausted by the relentless news cycle of hurricanes, earthquakes, 45, and other disasters). Or caught up on my writing. So much going on, that I haven’t had time to write about.
At least I had the energy to do some housework when I got home tonight. I vacuumed, ran a load of laundry, and washed some dishes. Yay for small progress.
I have a new cube neighbor at work, a woman perhaps about my age. Her name is Meg, and she’s a Product Manager, also working in middleware. Not sure if we’ll be working together or not, it’s only her first day in the office, she’s still getting set up after New Hire Orientation. But since my project seems to want to integrate with everything, chances are we might end up working together eventually. At least it’s going to be a bit less lonely around here (so many empty cubes near me!).
Still on baby watch.
I can't wait until Monday (I took another day off for faire recovery).
( Maybe spoilers? Not really…. )
I don’t know if I’ll keep watching this one or not. I’m not in love with it. But I don’t hate it yet either. I’ll give it a couple more episodes and see if it gets any better.
I am getting ready for the ceramic show. I don't think it will do well, but we re trying. I do like the 1 day concept, but I think out tables are too expensive....but we have to cover 1.5 days of a hall rental.
I am looking for some good things.....
I may go play tomorrow morning and work in the afternoon.
But she got lots of lovins before I left for the office. Everyone did.
Until about 3:00 am, when I was woken up by the distinctive clinking of dishes and glassware. Which meant that some naughty kitty was on the kitchen counter (and that I really needed to get around to emptying and filling the dishwasher). I jumped out of bed to go yell at whoever it was. Let me tell you, discovering a brown blob on the carpeting in the middle of the night when you’re not wearing your glasses is not a fun experience.
Brutus had dragged the brownie out of the kitchen and all the way into the hallway. It definitely had teeth marks in it, so it went into the trash. *mourns loss of my brownie*
I’m more convinced than ever that the previous owner 1) probably fed these kitties people food (evidenced by all three of them swarming me the first time I bought home McDonald’s french fries) and 2) probably let the kitties go hungry more than once (evidenced by how they eat normally if I keep the food bowl full, but bolt their food if I let it go empty. And how all three of them prowl the kitchen counters looking for food scraps).
I am worried to as he was a buffer .... and a better VP than my 2 cousins have... that one is a prick.
I am curious how John, the boss I really like... like I'd date him..., will hold up.... will he stand up for the way we work , which is more laid back than my cousins, or will he cave. I could loose my hours... the only thing that makes it okay here... we'll accept from John 😉
Title: When Good Men Behave Badly: Change Your Behaviour, Change Your Relationships
Author: David B. Wexler, Ph.D.
ISBN: ISBN-13 978-1-57224-346-0
“When Good Men Behave Badly” focuses on men’s feelings of helplessness, powerlessness, and perceived threats to identity that can lead to acting badly in otherwise good men with good values, who want to make good choices instead of being emotionally hijacked by their limbic system. It offers these men acknowledgement and an understanding of their emotional life with the goal of equipping them with new behavioural options.
CONTENT WARNING: This book contains examples of domestic violence and examples of derogatory language
This is a self-help book for middle-aged, white, cis-men written by a middle-aged, white, cis-man. On the one hand, this framing is useful because this to create a tone of (white) men talking to (white) men about shared experiences which may be difficult for women (and others) to have sympathy for when they are on the receiving end of the described bad behaviour. On the other hand, the advice is very binary oriented (men and women only), heteronormative (heterosexual and monogamous assumptions), and doesn’t discern between different groups of men (one size fits all *sigh*). It doesn’t specifically state that it is about white men, but with a white man on the cover… it doesn’t do anything to move away from white men as the default. I’m agender, I don’t exist in this book.
Speaking of the cover… I hate it. My edition has a white man in a dress shirt holding flowers behind his back. My mind jumps to the assumption that the man is in the “doghouse”. A focus group somewhere may have determined that this is brilliant marketing, but it makes me cringe. The irony of the cover is that the book warns of the importance of perception by telling the story of one of the author’s clients, who had a great session with him, but never returned to therapy after the author recommended a book that had the phrase “verbal abuse” in the title.
“When Good Men Behave Badly” is a relatively short book (199 pages + references) that overviews and introduces a selection of ideas, explanations, exercises, and suggestions. It uses examples heavily (see content warning) and fiction examples which may be dated (I don’t recognize most of them, but that didn’t make much of a difference to understanding). This is introductory material. If you want to go into the topics in depth you will have to follow up with other material  or seek out a therapist familiar with men’s issues.
1. Good Men and Broken Mirrors — Introduces mirroring, broken mirrors, and twinning through the concept of selfobjects (someone or something that helps us feel cohesive). How the broken mirror experience can trigger acting out.
2. The Power of Women — What men are taught [by toxic masculinity] to expect from women and how emotional dependancy on women for missing needs can lead to resentment or withdrawal, and a perception that they have power over men.
3. Fathers and Sons: Curses and Blessings — How fathers may expect sons to be positive mirrors, react to them as broken mirrors when they don’t measure up, and what this does to boys.
4. Midlife, Affairs, and Projections —What people do when there is a gap between what is and what they expected in their life. This talks about self-awareness, distress tolerance, taking responsibility and how these can help when it feels like something is missing.
5. Men’s Brains —What it is like to be hijacked by your limbic system and the effects of anger. Some strategies for dealing with these.
6. Odysseus, Relational Heroism, and Imaginary Crimes — How to be a Relational Hero through self-awareness, preparation, and doing things differently. How to let go of Imaginary Crimes.
7. Guy Talk —How men talk to themselves and other men, and how that sets the frame for behaviour.
8. What Women Can Do —For those women who read the book, a short chapter on dealing with men (and raising boys) within the context of the author’s “good men” hypothesis with some concrete “try these” ideas. It also recognizes that there are men who are dangerous and not just behaving badly.
This is a book about how toxic masculinity fucks over men.
“When Good Men Behave Badly” presents itself mainly as a relationship repair guide, but it is more about how men can have better relationships with themselves through self-awareness, emotional regulation, and understanding the influences of masculinity in themselves… improved romantic and family relationships is a (very positive) side-effect of being able to navigate one’s internal landscape without being capsized or swamped. I think it is important to healing and growth that men have acknowledgement of their feelings of helplessness, powerlessness, and missing needs, and I like that this book acknowledges this as something that women do for men while at the same time pointing out that disowning responsibility for those needs ultimately undermines the ability to get them met. I like that the author manages to navigate recognizing the subjective reality of these feelings while disassembling the idea that it is women’s job (and men are helpless) to emotionally regulate men. The author strongly believes in men’s positive ability to learn how to regulate and manage their emotional needs well.
That said, as an agender person who is regularly misgendered as a woman, I’m struggling to find a way to get this book into the hands of the men I think who would benefit from it (possibly even enjoy it), without giving the impression that I think they are broken and harmful people. The book goes in a much different direction than that, but that doesn’t matter if first impressions means they don’t get past the cover. Even beyond the usual problems with giving self-help books to people, I think it may be especially difficult, due to the topic, for a woman to give this book to a man without it being potentially perceived (accurately or inaccurately) as shaming. That is unfortunate.
I think, therefore, that this is a book for men to read and then share with other men in an act of twinship mirroring.
 One of Wexler’s areas of specialty is domestic abuse. He has a number of other books on the topic as well as a book about men in therapy, which (according to the blurb I read) apparently does deal with groups of men other than white cis-men.
 Such as the work of Terrence Real (author of “I Don’t Want To Talk About It” a book on male depression) which is quoted and referenced in this book.
 Being known as someone who reads a staggering number of self-help/psychology books does help diffuse this “I’m giving this to you because you’re broken” vibe, but still… “Hey! I found this fabulous book on [insert taboo topic here] that I think you will love and get lots out of!” isn’t a great party topic for most people. My friends have figured out how to run with it, but they are also used to seeing books on conflict or trauma (for example) on my coffee table.
 Self-help books don’t make good gifts folks. They are specifically aimed at fixing people and giving them will *always* have an underlying message that needs to be managed. I love self-help books but there are books on my shelf that just sit there unread specifically because of the framing of their gifting.
Disclaimer: I am not a therapist, a doctor, or a professional reviewer. I do, however, own and enjoy reading a staggering number of self-help books and I have opinions. Lots of opinions. One of these opinions is that the underlying assumptions in “self-improvement” and “self-help” books should be unpacked. These reviews may or may not do that, but I will try to acknowledge both some of the potentially useful and potentially problematic aspects of the books I review.
They were at the entrance to the encampment and I went running over to them and was just the biggest fangirl. “You’re the one who won the axe throwing contest at the Hitting and Stabbing Emporium, aren’t you?” She laughed, and her friends did too (I think I recognized one of them as the nun that was with her that year). We chatted for a few moments, and she said she was planning to go visit Hitting and Stabbing again.
I just think it's awesome that the nuns like to come out to the renn faire.
Trying to keep busy... and brain filled with other things.
I have been asked to come up with a craft program for the developmentally disabled people I did this with a few years ago. Trying to decide if 3or 4 projects that take 2 weeks or more each would be better than trying to do 6 like before. Not all the people are at the same level and so the time it takes to do a project varies. I am thinking of a ceramic item, a jewelry item, and a painting item.
For the jewelry I want to do the memory wire bracelets...I will also be making these for a craft show. Like this type of bracelet because =, depending on the beads, it can be fancy or Bohemian.
For the painting I wanted to do a button tree... it is something I would put in my house. You paint a stylized bare branch tree and then you glue on buttons for the leaves. This is great if you happen to have Grandma's button box, or just a few special buttons.
I also thought of getting some rough would and letting them stain it. Then stenciling some words and glue things onto the board. An example is the words :Make a wish upon a star fish. Then glue craft starfish to the board. It should be rustic and artsy.